When I first saw you, I blushed, embarrassed for some reason, just because I thought you were cute.
You smiled at me, and held open the door to the church. I didn’t even know your name.
I kept thinking about you after that.
We always made eye contact, and my little 13 year old heart felt something tick.
I dreamt about us holding hands, you fighting for me, us being our awkward selves like we were in real life.
You asked my cousin about me. You told her I was cool, that we were texting. I even texted you first, I never do that.
You had no idea how I felt, and I still wonder to this day, how you did.
While things came crashing down, you were there to back me up. You stood up for me when I was down. Little did you know, the rumors were true. I liked you.
That summer I came to realize, I loved you.
And I know, I know, I was 14 at the time. It seems so young, but can a persons emotions really be dictated by age?
I wanted to be with you. I wanted to hold your hand, and to kiss you. I wanted to feel your arms wrapped around me, and I wanted to explore our relationship with God together.
But I was a coward. While you stood up for me, I backed down. I ignored you, I didn’t smile back. I looked away from your stares.
How could I do that? How could I do that when you had done nothing but be a good friend?
I wanted to explain things, to tell you in person, but I never got the chance. When I finally got the courage, you were busy, or so you said.
And for months, years later, I thought about you. I dreamt of you still, but differently. I wanted to be your friend if that was all I could be. You were one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. It would have been worth it to even call you a friend.
I’ve written countless lyrics about you, dedicated songs to you that I can’t listen to without crying.
No one has compared to you. I haven’t liked anyone else since. It’s been four years, and I still think of you every day. I’m 18 now, and I know I was in love, I wasn’t exaggerating.
You’ll always have a piece of my heart, even if you don’t want it.
You were my first love, the one who got away.