i never questioned that until i met you. your gentle smile and reassuring eyes.
the patience that rests in your voice and your soothing touch. your laugh that calms nerves and brings serenity.
you really are a curse. kindness makes the pain of unrequited love harder to swallow.
i wish you were meaner. that you’d spit in my face or laugh in a narcissistic manner. then, i’d have a reason to hate you.
i could move on and turn you away. but you stay, with your soft heart and angelic soul.
being the perfect embodiment of falling in love with one’s mind.
if anything, it makes me wish i was nicer for you. i wish i didn’t have all the scars and bruises of previous lovers.
all the pain, the violence, the screaming, the crying. the cheating and lying, begging and stealing, deception and doubt.
they calloused me with trauma and abuse. they built my walls with a thousand soldiers, off to fight anyone who came close to my battered heart.
they made me wish for someone like you, with benevolence in every word you speak. now you’re here, and i ache even more in my bones.
my shield is bulletproof, meant to deflect any insult or punch thrown at me. deflect every mean word or scream of pity. cut off anyone who wants power and control over me.
but i was never prepared for kindness, and i may never be.
you’ve knocked down my walls and killed my soldiers, with just a look in your eyes and a glisten in your smile.
and i’m not ready to get hurt again.
the vice of kindness. // m.r.w.