Dear Future Self,
Did I make the right choice? Leaving you at an impossible crossroad, just on the cusp of turning thirty...
Did it work out with that new man, the one who was twenty five years older?
I hope your decision making isn't done this poorly.
Did we reinvent ourself or are we still sinking slowly?
Do we still follow our heart... way past sanity’s reach, into the darkness from beneath?
I hope we do, was it worth the risk?
I’m sorry if I did you wrong, but you know I’m so compulsive.
Did we change our mind about having babies, like they all said we would... or are we still free from the bondage of a family?
Or worse, did we make a mistake and now we’re left with nobody, so lonely?
Have we seen the world, like I vowed you to?
London, Paris, Timbuktu...
Search the hidden corners, immerse ourself in foreign cultures.
I had such big plans for you.
Did we follow through?
I hope so...
Cause right now it feels kind of hopeless, put all my bets on you...
I know you hate the pressure, but I’m counting on you.
We are the master of starting over,
Is the Phoenix still soaring,
Or did we smolder in the ashes of th fallen?
Did I make the right decision?
Giving up a solid, stable life for the allure of the unknown?
Praying it was worth it, even through we both know I don’t ever pray.
Only in the total darkness, that one day.
How’s the family?
Are Mom and Dad still sane?
Or have they finally lost it, after raising all of us?
Did little sister ever move away, or is she still in the basement?
Is older sister still sober?
Or has she fallen off the wagon again...
And am I still running?
Running far away...
Or have I finally accepted my fear driven psychology?
I do love you sweet girl, even though...
I shove your feelings far below.
I wonder now, do we let them show?
I sure hope so,
You leave the world with such a slight fraction,
The rest of you unknown,
And they should know.
Because you’re going to be great,
If you let it be so.
So I’ll leave you with these last words...
You’ll always have me,
No matter what you choose or how you grow,
I’m with you until the bitter end,
Lead me and I shall follow.
With more love than you’ll ever know,
-Your Former Self