Asking for the key to your heart was the biggest mistake I've ever made, because, time and time again you gave it to me. I was just to blind to see it, and too dumb to use it if I did.
Maybe you never really get over your first love, but i think it's because you don't want to. The first person to see you, the first person to show true interest in you, you don't want to let them go. Even if it brings you pain.
I just wish I could go back, I think I always will. I mean it's not like I could screw up any worse, and i know so much better now. I could have a chance. I wouldn't let you down, not again.
But that's living in the past...
My memories of you are probably false now. My minds twisted way of warping the past to my desire. But, I'll always remember your hugs, you always had the best hugs, and you loved mine too.
I remember your smell just barely, it was so nice and comforting, like a portal into another dimension. A better place, flowing with milk and honey.
and your laugh... I know it's a bit cliché but i loved the way you laughed, it was so unique to you, no one else laughed the way you would. No one else laughed with me like you did.
But... Now... I don't know anymore, I used to go to your memories for the comfort of sadness. A sadness I connected with you, So I learned to like being sad...
Because it meant being with you.
Now that world of the past in my brain is bias. It's not real. I mean it never was, but that doesn't make it any better. So now I feel alone among friends, And comforted in solitude.
I've tasted the cup of prosperity and godliness, and now the drink of man has lost its taste. I've seen the colors of the northern sky and sunset and stars alike. Now the darkness in which I sit is dull and colorless.
All things in love are better, but when you lose it, all things in life are hell. As if you have gone blind but can still see, and have gone mute but still speak.
And I had the audacity to blame you. To wish you the same pain you caused me When you were just a delicate flower bending naturally in the wind. Little did you know your solemn beauty struck me in a way blade never can.
I can't say you're dead because you still breath and walk, but the one I loved cease to exist long ago. You're merely her corpse that walks among the living.
Now I sit in the dark missing your light, praying for the day I see another. I'm addicted because of you, love is my drug, and you were my first fix. The only one I needed.
Long live your memory. Long live your love. And while I saw only a fraction of both, I am eternally grateful of your presence in my life. You have taught me much. I will never forget, and still never truly remember.
And so it stands at this, I'm to move on again. Hopefully to walk away in a straight line. As to not end my journey here again. I will forever miss you, and with that...