If cash was grass, I'd be a cow in the desert. If love was soup, I'd be a fork. If happiness was fast, I'd be a Galapagos tortoise. If brains were dry, I'd be a tropical environment. If looks were precision, I'd be a drunk with a sawed off 100 yards away. If calm nerves was running, I'd be lieutenant Dan. If good genes was walking, id be Forrest Gump.
If not being annoying was a 21st century means of production, I'd be a printing press. If commitment was relaxation, I'd be a light slap to the testicles. If a success was a tall handsome financially stable man, I'd be me. The End.