I’m measured by the length of laughter I cry
By the width of encounters that are staked on my heart until I become soil and transform into a tree
& by the height of the “you’re speaking to me” views that provide silence.
That’s what makes life worth staying
But, don’t give me the same energy you would to a season finale of Grey’s Anatomy
Because theres a reason we all haven’t joined Chris & Chester.
The mothers who’ve made it this far stay for the next PTA meeting
The kids who’ve made it this far stay for the future they are promised on career’s day
The teenagers who’ve made it this far stay for that upcoming concert by their favorite artist
The adults who’ve made it this far stay for their paid time off
Because god forbid we clock out for good with remaining PTO
Majority of my cycle full of 24 hours, I don’t even realize that I’ve made it or where I am.
I’m no longer in brand new condition
“like brand new condition” does not apply
I’m used to sighing at people
and the sighting of familiar views
and the signaling of that gah damn radio music
And in this moment, i'm used to rolling my eyes at every individual I see wearing skinny jeans
Because there needs to be flair or else I feel constrained.
Im used to saying because, because I cant seem to trust the reader and
Im used to being used
“Raise your hand if you’ve never been used”
There would be no visual of palms
We all got a destination
& we all do what it takes to get there
Without one, we’ll always be around.
To always be around is to always find yourself in the same assigned spot on the carpet like the preschooler whose mom actually stayed
To always be around would mean i’m capable of stability and I vowed to myself that I would never give others that kind of hope from me.
To always be around is to always hear that gah damn radio music.
To always be around is simple and the thought of simple makes my hairs on my arm stand up like their at a Korn concert and Johnathon just asked if you were ready.
I cringe at the idea of being on time in a suit.
It’s those ideas.
Its those ideas that determine what your values are and those values determine where you’ll spend your value of seconds here on earth
Its those values that put a price on your soul without a bargain
Its those values that create a price tag tucked under your sleeve without you knowing
It’s that invisible value that is worth everything and anything,
And where i'm from, sell outs are never remembered.