The Aftermath of Every Agonizing Second

Monday. Cold and dark and tiresome. It fills my brain with tired thoughts and injects my body with a numbing sensation. At night I sit and wonder, Why, oh, dear God why I even started the day.

Tuesday. Slow and blurred and saddening. My eyes are even darker, but my body moves a little faster. I try to smile and it burns my face, but it's for the best, I swear, "Just don't hesitate on regretting why you started the day."

Wednesday. Tired and strange and awakening. My eyes stay shut, for they are blackness, but my body moves fast like it has somewhere to go. I lay in bed and shut my eyes. I'm tired and cold and I seem to feel as thought there was a reason for waking up this dark and rainy day.

Thursday. Light and sunny and enjoyable. The faces shine with smiles, they eyes are squinted with joy. One turns to me and holds out a hand.

"Come and join and give a smile." I shake my head shyly. "I'd rather not today, maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight, but not in this morning's light." You take a step forward and remind me exactly why I started this unexpecting day.

Friday. Indescribable. I sit with bland faces surrounding, trying to show something off, I suppose. You try to join in, but maybe you don't understand that you try too hard to gain my ongoing gaze.

I can only hope that you see how much I wish that no one else was here. And with the setting sun, a thought comes to my head. "Maybe these horrid seconds, minutes, and hours are meant to be agonizing so soon I can tell you just how much I'm glad I started this torturing day."

Saturday. I wake up early without thought, my phone still right next to me. The light of a message flashes in my face but I smile - I laugh. It's impossible to think.

My heartbeat quickens. My thoughts focus on you and the day hasn't even started. The stars reveal themselves and normally I'm scared.

But right now we're together. My vision is blocked by your shoulder. You take the fear away. Did you know that? I lick my lips and gain the confidence to speak.

We're in my driveway, though, and you lean over and open your door and leave. How dare you open my door reminding me that this day is over? Reminding me that I couldn't find my voice to say what I undoubtedly feel?

Sunday. Late morning light shining in my room. My phone is on the charger instead of right next to me. Your messages make me smile and I finally want to get out of my shelter. Soon I'm in your car with the morning sun moving directly above. My gaze drift to the left and I feel enchanted.

Those looks you have, darling, are what I wish to see every morning. How could you not realize?

And your parents are nowhere to be seen but what harm could we do? Your arms are wrapped around me, the feeling of safety is overwhelming. I realize how much I trust you as you run your fingers through my hair, kiss my forehead, and tell me to sleep.

I feel my body go numb from this feeling. This strange, but wonderful feeling, of pure happiness. You say we have to get up, but I refuse and my punishment is watching you stand. You stare at me and hold out a hand. A smile covers your face and I know this has to be a dream.

I grab your hand only to fall into your arms "You have to go home now," you whisper. I call your bluff when you pull away. "I am home, I thought that was clear?" I'm not loud enough, though, and we're in your car parked in my driveway.

The stars above are fading, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to leave. It's unfair that I have to leave some beautiful things alone, untouched, until tomorrow, Monday, to let others see you and not admire you just like I do.

But I'm glad for one thing, and call me selfish, but I'm proud of myself for starting every one of these days with my Purpose, my Reason, in my head.