Despondent
Despondent  loneliness stories
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loljustsel
loljustsel Saturn and Jupiter were married.
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago

Perhaps, changing myself from matter to energy, might be the most peaceful answer to the chaos that I am losing myself in.


I just want to point out that I write when I am feeling powerless, and it results to thoughts I will never follow through.

Despondent

The constant search for validation and sense of worthiness makes it unbearable to find any value to living.

Any will to keep going. Any drive to push forward.

Any will to keep going. Any drive to push forward.

Consumed by insecurity, and the need of being needed and wanted when in fact, I am just a small speck of dust in the universe.

Thinking about the possible endless futures.

But sometimes, being lost in my mind and thoughts means forgetting myself.

Letting my body and soul lag behind while everybody moves forward.

Looking at everyone at constant motion while I am paralyzed.

At everyone being euphoric while I try to find purpose in the lie that is life.

I am fatigued.

Fatigued from perpetually giving myself to others, and never being given the same amount of effort.

Exhausted from attempting to understand the world and the people around me.

Tired from the never-ending self-destructive thoughts, and self-criticism.

Drained from knowing that I will never be enough.

F Fearing that I will forever be lost in oblivion.

Anxious that no one will ever love me.

Hence, perhaps, self-annihilation, changing myself from matter to energy, might be the most peaceful answer to the chaos that I am losing myself in.

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