Remember our never ending eye contacts?
The type where I could just stare at your black iris which would slowly blend with your pupil. And I lived for those moments, because they were intimate.
It was not a 'staring into your soul' eye contact, it was more of an 'I want to figure out and know everything about you' type.
"Your eyes are beautiful,"
"What would you do if I kissed you?"
"Your skin is so soft,"
"You are beautiful," You kept saying, which drew me to you even more.
Even from across the room, we would just look at each other, and share a slight laugh.
I never knew why this was our thing, while others loved to kiss, and touch, looking into your eyes, was my way of telling you that I loved you, that I never felt this close to someone, that you made me weak.
I loved the way I got angry at everything, I loved making you laugh, I loved loving you.
How you would just open up when no one was around, how we talked when nobody was there, about everything. Those were the moments, I wished lasted forever.
Then it happened.
"I can't live without her,"
"I love her so much,"
"I wish she was here."
"She is so beautiful."
And that is when I understood that I meant nothing.
I was only a mere hobby, if you will. We were never real. It was only me, being me and holding to something that was not there.
I knew there was someone in your life that you couldn't have, but I never knew you loved her.
And that is what broke me. I had cry for you before, a lot. But this time it was different. Every single string of hope and happiness that I had was painfully gone. I had nothing to hold onto.
And when I look at you now, all I can feel is anger, deception and sadness, with the words 'I can't live without her' constantly on my mind whenever I see you, and whenever you try to figure me out, I can't look at you anymore.
And it breaks me to look away. It hurts me to treat you like everybody else, it hurts me to think that what we had was nothing, it hurts me, because you're still important, because you're still a part of my everyday life.
I do not think my feelings will ever go away, I do not think that we could ever be together, I do not think that I am important in your life anymore, and hence for the first time in forever,
I chose me.
And the next day, I woke up, feeling free for the first time in such a long period of time. I was letting you go, for real this time.
I am moving on from you, on my own. And rising up.
I love you, always will.
So this is a letter for me, for my unrequited love, telling you, how much I am glad that I met you.
How you taught how to love, and that not everyone will love me the same way I love them.
The only thing I could ever wish you, is that you find a girl that you can truly love, that you cherish her, and that she will be enough for you, that she'll make you realize that you are worthy of love.
That you'll treat her well, that you won't make her cry, that you'll let go of the past, and the future, and let yourself live a little.
That you'll stop going by the rules, that you'll stop trying to please everybody
I never really knew why I loved you, but I know that I had the opportunity to fall in love with someone who taught me, that I can love.
And I hope that you'll find whatever I didn't have, in her.