April 2018 Prompt: You're ok. Breathe. Just breathe. Open your eyes. Come back. It's ok. It's over now. You're ok. Wake up. Please wake up. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me.
Don't do this to me. I love you so much. Come back.
April 2018 Word: Mimosa
Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love them, how much you care.
Because when they are gone, no matter how loud you scream and yell, or beg and cry, they can't hear you anymore. They are gone. You are left alone and broken.
To try to pick up the shattered pieces and paste a fake smile on your face to hide the pain inside, the regret, the emptiness. Life doesn't give second chances, except to a few lucky ones.
I am not lucky.
We all take people and things for granted. We take the air we breathe for granted until there is none. We think our loved ones will always be there to love us, annoy us, until they're not.
I never thought I'd be alone or that there would be an ending to Sunday morning mimosa brunches or family beach days. Goodnight kisses or sticky fingers holding mine.
I'd give anything to get it all back or even just a chance to say 'I love you'.
My life was perfectly imperfect and I loved it. My days were filled with the everyday, daily business, with the house to clean, dinner to make and bills to pay.
My daughter Brooke kept me busy, running to keep up with her four year old antics.
My husband, Ash, would come home from work and chase her around til he would finally catch her, then throw her into the air and kiss her nose. "I love my little Brooke", he would say.
She would laugh and take off running again, blonde curls bouncing and blue eyes sparkling.
He would walk up behind me as I stood at the stove, cooking dinner, and wrap his arms around me and kiss my neck. "I love you, my beautiful Sky". I would smile and turn and kiss him on the mouth.
"Right back at you", was always my response.
I loved my family but I wasn't the kind if person that needed to say the words. I showed them my love every day.
Ash would beg me to say the three little words but I would just smile and kiss him and Brooke, then go about showing them just how much.
I cooked them their favorite foods and spent time with them. Extra books read to Brooke or if she asked, I would crawl in and snuggle her til she fell asleep.
I would give Ash long back rubs and play with his hair as he talked about his day. He would sigh but smile because he knew I was telling him I loved him in my own special way.
I didn't see the point in saying the actual words. People throw around the word 'love' so carelessly. They 'love' this food or thing.
They 'love' this person, then would turn around and carelessly hurt that same person, then move on to the next.
A husband would say 'I love you' to his wife, yet cheat on her with someone younger and more beautiful.
A wife would say 'I love you' to her husband, then go to her friends and complain about everything he didn't do or how he was such a disappointment.
"I love my kids!
" Parents would say then ship them off to summer camps and day cares,
early preschool classes or into some sports or other classes just so they didn't have to deal with them and they could just go on doing whatever they wanted without the burden of taking care
of their own kids.
See, all of these people say 'I love you' but it means nothing in the end, I don't say the words but I show my family love every day. I don't complain about my husband, he is my best friend.
I can't imagine life without Brooke and I spend every moment I can with her, playing or just hanging out. They don't need to hear the words. They see it and feel it.
Our favorite thing to do on the weekend was pack up the car and head to the beach. 'Our home away from home' we liked to say. We loved it there.
Warm sand beneath your feet, ocean waves crashing up on the shore, the smell of salt in the air.
Brooke loved finding pretty sea shells along the shoreline, and we would spend hours walking around trying to find the best ones.
Ash would laugh at how many shells we had all around the house and say we needed to stop bringing so many home. But the next weekend, we would go collect shells again.
It was our little piece of heaven on earth.
One day, as me and Ash sat on a blanket, watching Brooke run along the shoreline, he put his arm around me and pulled me closer.
"I want another one", he whispered, never taking his eyes off Brooke.
"What!" I exclaimed, thinking I heard wrong. We had talked about having more kids but I wasn't expecting this conversation.
Ash smiled, turning to look at me. He took my face in his hands and said, "I love you, my beautiful Sky, and I want to have more kids with you. You're the best wife and mom."
"Ok." I whispered back, looking back at him, feeling so much love fill my heart for him.
"Just say it", Ash begged again.
"You already know", I replied.
Ash looked so disappointed but I just couldn't bring myself to say it. He already knew. I didn't need to say it. I kissed him with all the love inside me.
Ash sighed, then pulled me down to lay with him on the blanket. I snuggled my head on his chest, smiling and closed my eyes. 'Life is perfect' was my last thought before I drifted to sleep.
I woke to Ash screaming. I sat up quickly and looked around for what had caused Ash to scream. Suddenly I saw Ash diving into the water. Farther out I saw a little mop of curly blonde hair.
I would know those curls anywhere. My heart dropped and I screamed. Brooke must have walked into the water and the tide had pulled her farther out to sea.
I watched helplessly as Ash struggled to get to her. He finally reached her bobbing in the water, her bright pink life jacket barely kept her little head above the water.
I ran to the shoreline and started to run in when I noticed the strong pull under the water. A rip tide.
I screamed my frustration when I realized why Ash had took so long to get to Brooke and why he was moving farther away with her now in his arms and not getting closer to shore.
I screamed and screamed, running along the shoreline, trying to keep them in sight. I screamed until I had no voice and ran until my legs gave out beneath me and I passed out.
I came to with a slap across my face.
"She's coming around", I heard a gruff voice say. I blinked and tried to sit up but was too weak.
'Easy there", the voice said, then I felt hands helping me sit up.
The world spun for a moment, then slowly righted itself. I looked up at a tall man who was helping me.
"What happened? What's going on?" I asked, feeling confused. I looked around and noticed there was an ambulance, a police car and a crowd of people standing around.
Suddenly, I noticed paramedics around a large lump in the sand. Saw one shake his head and the other and they moved away. Then I saw a mop of curly blonde hair.
I screamed and tried to jump up but the man was still holding me. I shoved him aside and crawled over to where the large lump was.
I screamed again when I realized the lump was Ash, his arms wrapped around Brooke, both their eyes shut, faces pale, arms wrapped around each other.
I tried pulling them into my arms and felt hands trying to pull me away. Then, suddenly, nothing. I rocked back and forth, holding them both in my arms.
"You're ok. Breathe. Just breathe. Open your eyes. Come back. It's over now. You're ok. Wake up. Please wake up. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me.
I love you so much. Come back. Please don't leave me. I love you. I love you. I love you." I sobbed and screamed. "I love you", I whispered one last time and then the world went black.