Keep it to yourself






               Keep it to yourself                 






 mental illness stories
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livingghost
livingghostDefinitely not a writer ig: livingxghost
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
This is messy but frank (TW: suicide)

Keep it to yourself

Here is the truth

Here is the truth Ugly and raw

Here is the truth Ugly and raw No more sugar coating

Here is the truth Ugly and raw No more sugar coating No more see through veils

Here is the truth Ugly and raw No more sugar coating No more see through veils (Well, I might add some sweetener every now and then and avoid the bitterest parts because I still worry what others think and for the sake of "art")

Remember the secret?

Remember the secret? Here is mine

Remember the secret? Here is mine But don't believe a word I write

Remember the secret? Here is mine But don't believe a word I write My secrets might be lies.

I've spent my teenage years

I've spent my teenage years Trying to understand who I was

I've spent my teenage years Trying to understand who I was At 18 I was sure

I've spent my teenage years Trying to understand who I was At 18 I was sure But it didn't last long

I've spent my teenage years Trying to understand who I was At 18 I was sure But it didn't last long Infact, it might have been just another illusion

I was sure I was an open book

I was sure I was an open book Apparently I'm so unclear

I was sure I was an open book Apparently I'm so unclear I, myself, can't believe my own look

All I hear are the echoes of my thoughts

All I hear are the echoes of my thoughts pondering:

" I feel so confused I swing back and forth When I feel ok I keep being lost I wonder why Till I find myself in this black site How is it possible? I was ok How is it possible? Now I crave to die "

But I'm too weak

But I'm too weak And my parents don't deserve more pain

But I'm too weak And my parents don't deserve more pain I, instead, deserve to feel shame

Too scared to even tell people around me

Too scared to even tell people around me Because they could either feel pity or uneasy

Meanwhile the cycle restarts

Sometimes I don't leave the house for a week

Sometimes I don't leave the house for a week I numb myself and avoid to think

Sometimes I don't leave the house for a week I numb myself and avoid to think Then I explode, cry myself to sleep

Sometimes I don't leave the house for a week I numb myself and avoid to think Then I explode, cry myself to sleep The next day I sway

Sometimes I don't leave the house for a week I numb myself and avoid to think Then I explode, cry myself to sleep The next day I sway Till I'm "normal" again

Sometimes I don't leave the house for a week I numb myself and avoid to think Then I explode, cry myself to sleep The next day I sway Till I'm "normal" again Soon enough I wonder: "What pain?"

All I did all this time was question myself

All I did all this time was question myself But the more I've tried to dig down deep

All I did all this time was question myself But the more I've tried to dig down deep The more I was getting far from me

Desperate

Desperate I've turned my question to someone who should understand

My doctor is very nice

My doctor is very nice But his answers are sighs .

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