I remember it as if it happened yesterday, and though it has been a few years since then, it feels like it had just happened to me.
Shayla and I were always really close to each other; we would always share each other’s drinks, stay up and text all night, and she would even keep me company in the workplace, but shit happens,
“Dilon!” cried Shayla.
“Yes?” said Dilon.
“I have great news that I want to tell you!” Shayla said with great enthusiasm. “Today marks one full month of not cutting!”
I was so overjoyed to read those words as I looked down at my phone.
“I am so proud of you! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that!”
Shayla had a rough past, and even though we were both about sixteen years old, we had both experienced our ups and downs.
She had her heart broken by her now ex-boyfriend and spiraled down into a very dismal state of mind; she was indeed depressed.
Her depression could best be described as a rain cloud which loomed over her head, making everything, which was bright and colorful, dull and gloomy.
When Shayla first met me, she told me all about it over text messages.
She told me that due to her depression she could never feel anything and therefore she resorted to cutting herself in an attempt to least be able to feel pain.
I hate it when she does it, but I understand where she is coming from.
I had recently experienced a very bad breakup myself and therefore I could sympathize with Shayla, but unlike her, I never resorted to cutting myself as a way of coping.
Instead, I dealt with my depression, by keeping to myself, and never conveying my feelings to anyone. On the outside I looked like a “normal” human being, but on the inside, I felt dead.
Over the next few days I had noticed that Shayla was not acting like her usual self. She would read my text messages and not reply, and when she did reply it was only in brief lines of text.
After the third day of Shayla acting like this, I texted her:
“Hey Shayla, what’s wrong? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“Please don’t get mad at me Dilon.” She replied.
“Shayla you are scaring me, please tell me what is wrong..”
“Well…. I started getting these bad thoughts and .. I .. well.. I cut myself again..”
My heart dropped. I could feel something creeping up behind me from the shadows, and then in an instant, I was consumed by dread.
I wish I could take her pain and make it mine; I was truly heart broken and in a remorseful rage I texted: “Shayla why didn’t you come to me!”
“I was afraid.. but I’m not afraid anymore. Dilon, I am ready to finally stop feeling this pain.” She replied.
Suddenly I was empty.
All the emotion drained from me, and it was as if time stopped and with the snap of a finger, it began again, in a feeble attempt to save her from her fate, I frantically texted.
“Shayla what are you talking about??!!” I stared at my phone waiting for a reply, but it never came.
“Shayla?” “Shayla answer me!” “Right now Shayla! I mean it”
As I anxiously awaited an answer I couldn’t help, but assume the worst. Was she okay? Should I call the police? Should I drive to her house? Am I ever going to see her again?
As my mind assessed all of the horrible things that could have happened to her, all of the lovely things we never did together, all of the gifts I never bought her,
and how I never told her how I truly felt about her, a heavenly sound pierced me ear. It was as if god himself sent the message, and it read:
“Yes Dilon, I am fine. My mom heard me crying and barged into my room.”
Right then and there all of my sorrow, was converted to joy, and an appreciation of her being,
and in a burst of wonderful emotion I told her that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, that she brought happiness to my life,
and how just being around her and listening to her angelic voice turned my stark, grey landscape, into a colorful one.
She made me see that life was beautiful, and in turn, I wanted to do the same.
The next day I was working, and she came into my job. We talked for hours and hours and finally, towards the end of my shift, Shayla had hugged me goodbye and went home with her mother.
When I arrived at home I texted Shayla but, she didn’t answer me. I was confused as to why she was not answering.
We had seemed fine just thirty minutes ago when she left and she even hugged me goodbye, so I brushed it off and assumed she was probably asleep.
It was now Monday and I still had not heard from her, and I was starting to get worried. As I conversed with some friends, one of them asked me who the girl was on lock screen of my phone.
I, nonshalontly, told her that it was a girl that I had a thing with and that I was planning to ask her to be my girlfriend.
My friend, with a skeptical look, told me that she had seen the girl in the photo holding hands with someone else in the hallway at school.
we only saw each other at my job, so it came as a surprise to me that she would do this sort of thing behind my back. All of that sorrow, anxiety, relief went out the window.
Everything became gray again.
After being informed of this incident, I proceeded delete all of our pictures together, all of our text messages,
and blocked her on social media; I thought I was finally over with feeling like shit. She was dead to me.
A couple of hours later my phone buzzes while I am in class. I look down at my phone and it’s a text message from her.