by Li Dang
The sound of a heart breaking is dead silent.
So how do you know when a heart breaks?
The truth is,
The very first thing you feel is absolutely nothing at all.
It's not shock, but it's not exactly a realization either.
It's an emptiness that fills the pit of your stomach,
and once it overflows, you start to feel everything but happy.
You forget how to breathe,
and you find yourself staring at nothing,
because that's what you are.
You are nothing.
You lose who you are because you don't remember what life's like without them.
And you start to laugh.
This is ridiculous. A joke. It's not worth crying over. I never needed you.
But you can't fool yourself. Suddenly, you're angry.
I don't deserve this. Why does it hurt so much? Why am I the one that has to suffer? I hate you. I hate you.
Why can't I hate you?
And then you resort to finding other reasons to cry.
Maybe it's just not meant to be. I'll find someone better. Someone like you? No, I want you. Why is there only one of you? Why is love so complicated?
Why did we go through everything
just for it to end like this?
You fall asleep with tear stains on your cheeks,
and wake up to a damp pillow.
And it starts over.
You feel numb and exhausted.
The image of that shitty goodbye keeps replaying in your head.
You're not as tired as you feel,
because the tears make their way to your chin again.