Life throws some pretty crazy events, tough decisions, hard and good times at us every day.
This is my story on how even though I am uncertain if I am making the right hard decisions in my life, I have never felt more "ok" with it.
I say ok, because I am scared, anxious, and like I said uncertain, but I know I will be fine. I have my faith and I know I will walk the path I am meant to.
So what is going on? I am a 19 year old home owner, single, live alone with my pet bird and fish.
I work a very hard labour 12 hour night shift job and only see my parents and my one coworker.
I had very few friends who I never got to see, but when I did, I strangely felt more alone in their company.
I love them, and I didn't understand why being with them didn't make me happy like it used to, but rather stressed me out.
Then all of a sudden, all the reasons I am so worn out and exhausted and felt like I didn't belong just clicked in my mind. The truth is I don't belong in their circle.
The fact that I love them will never change but we have all grown up.
We're not the same young people in high school, looking out at the possibilities of the world through the old cracked windows.
In fact we have all walked down seperate paths, carrying the luggage of our childhood struggles and victories like trophies and old battle scars.
Of course we have grown to have different interests. We are each our own unique individuals.
I found that what they found fun like drugs, partying, creating wild nighttime memories with strangers from different cities (not that that is the only thing they do,
but it is a huge part if their lives), just didn't match up with me.
I had to stay true to myself (which is hard when you are with all these people you love and you want them to have fun with you, and you know their type of fun isn't right for you).
I thought that I was a loser, a buzz kill, lame, annoying, unwanted, all just because I was my own unique character.
I now realize that I wouldn't have it any other way, if I had given in and tried to fit in more, then I wouldn't be myself anymore.
I decided to slowly back away from their lives and to finally start living for me.
As hard as it is, and as awful as I felt for doing it, now I finally feel like I am the protagonist of my own crazy and exciting life adventure.
With my how tired my job makes me, I feel as though I only live for work. I know I need to pay for my house or I loose it.
A few days ago I was talking with my parents about my dream if being a writer and how I thought it would never work.
My parents just said "well, how do you know? " Such a simple statement filled me with hope.
Currently I am applying for another job that isn't just some factory job that I push myself each night to get through, but rather it is a career.
Is it a career as a writer? No, but it is way higher paying than my current job and it is a government one at that.
So what happened to my job as a writer? As long as I write I am already a writer. A creator, who will continue this passion of mine in my spare time until I can make something I am proud of.
That is my idea of fun, to do what I love.
Am I 100% sure that this new life of mine will work out? No, there are always crazy unexpected turns in the road and dead ends, but why let that stop me?
If a book's plot, never had some sort if turmoil to overcome, or some surprising character development, or if everything only ever stayed the same,
then that isn't an adventure worth telling. Live your life, stay true to yourself. It is ok to make tough decisions in order to bring about your own happiness.
If you aren't happy at the end of your life, or if you have no crazy, wonderful, happy memories, then can you say that you really lived?
I will write my own story, starting with the present, and think about nothing but what will make me happy for the future. Thank you for reading.
I know this was very long, but I hope you too can relate to the events going on in my life right now. Just know that it is ok to just be, "ok".