last night i watched the sun
last night i watched the sun leave the sky
i watched it fall
i watched it fall beneath the trees
i watched it fall beneath the trees sinking
till it's light
till it's light was
till it's light was sparse
till it's light was sparse and
till it's light was sparse and faded.
navy blue ink spilled across the sky
navy blue ink spilled across the sky speckled gently with stars like freckles.
the cold seeped in.
i began to shiver
i began to shiver but still i sat
alone on the steps in front of my door
alone on the steps in front of my door but for the camera around my neck
and gentle music
and gentle music accompanied
and gentle music accompanied by barely audible lyrics
whispered to no one.
at some point, i thought i was happy
i thought maybe that feeling
i thought maybe that feeling was as close as i would ever get
but then i realised
happy isn't what i felt last night
last night i was cold
my heart hurt
my eyes held back tears
that isn't happiness, is it?
so no while i have yet to find happy
i took a step closer last night.
all on my own
all on my own just a step
all on my own just a step minuscule really
but to me
it felt like everything.
last night, i gave myself a voice
i let myself speak
and though it was to no one
i felt like everyone could hear.
i let myself hurt
i let myself feel
i spoke directly to that loveless demon in my head
my voice cracked, but i said those words.
"do you know what you've done to me?"
no answer comes
but i think i knew to expect that.
even if he was more than a memory
i know the answer
i know the answer would always be the same.