I blamed myself for something
My mind was ice
Unable to thaw
I kept asking myself
Is he okay?
Is it my fault
If he's not okay?
Thoughts crystallized in my heart
As I tried to find of any news
My imagination chisled to a curse
As I thought of the worst things imaginable
I was frozen with the fear of the unknown.
I finally called my friend.
I answered by blubbering in the phone
"What's-what's wrong?" his voice took a tender tone.
"I'm scared," I cried.
I coulda, shoulda, woulda...blame weighed me down until I was bound on cold, hard ground.
"That has nothing to do with you," he said.
My heart defrosted a little, but I was still in Doubt.
"You're not God," he said.
You can't save everybody."
I continued sniffling in the phone, my fear slowly melting.
"Turn to Ephesians," he said.
I did, and I shyly said the verse to him.
"See, do you have peace right now?"
"N-no," I shivered.
"Give it to God, stop putting it on yourself," he repeated.
Then he started chuckling.
"You're conjuring all these things...and it might not be true...you're crying all for nothing."
"It's not f-f-funny!" I cried, but then I started laughing a little too.
He stayed on the phone a little longer until I stopped sniffling,
Then he texted me tons of verses and laughing emojis
Until I started smiling.
"I don't feel scared anymore, but my stomach hurts terribly," I texted him.
He didn't answer. Probably fell asleep
I suffered quietly, whispering and moaning..."Jesus, Jesus,"
Until I ran in the bathroom and threw up everything.
It happened twice in one night.
So right now I feel like ice.