by Krystle Zachary
Come play with us…
A demonic chant.
I'm not listening!
She is content, stuck between softness and warmness.
This is where I’m meant to be.
Ripe sweetness floods her as she slowly inhales. This is how she is soothed. Her anxiety slows until it rocks a lullaby:
I am happy, I am free.
She tries to swallow the lump of Truth, but it is getting more difficult everyday. Her lies need more pushing, more grunting, to birth out her bundle of peace. But she is determined.
She is going to do everything she can to stay in her mantra, and she will not adhere to the forces tugging at her.
Come play with us…
Night crashes, ahh, gratefulness. She snuggles down in her warm, sticky yellow bed and forces herself into contenting dreams.
Waking up to darkness, with tints of pink peace.
She is used to this. This is what she likes.
She can feel the sun beating down on her shield, and she curls tighter. Because it is too hot, she tells herself, but Truth hovers: You want it. You want the warmth. You want to see the sun.
No, she whispers, I do not.
She squirms. It is getting tighter in here. But she likes her velvety fortress that smells thickly of peaches and faint traces of rain.
You want to feel the rain.
Truth stands, arms crossed. She could sense its smirk.
No, she says fiercely, I do not.
The wind blows her home. Gently, but she still clings for dear life. She tastes the warm nectar. Mmm, still sweet. She is satisfied.
Her stomach growls.
She looks up, a glimmer of a glimpse above. She discovers that her ceiling is cracked open,
causing light to flood in.
Seeking for a solution,
But she does not go up.
She buries herself down, covers her arms around her head.
Suffocates in her provisions,
Stuck with her sticky existence.
She will not look up.
Why is it open? In all of her days, the ceiling was tightly sealed, assuring her that she needed nothing else. Her pink velvet walls and her yellow sticky bed and food was all she needed.
She craves for nothing else.
Light continues to whisper down at her.
She shakes and hides.
She was willing to go up before, when she was tiny and hard and round. In the thick brown crumbliness she went up, up, up.
But then her momma, papa, and sister stopped going up. They were all blown away, or eaten, scattered by the winds. She was the only one who kept growing.
She remembers the freezing nights, she recalls the howling winds, she captures the flooding inky sky, reminding her of her deep, dark loneliness.
She can’t afford to see.
Not if she will only be blind again.
Dark falls, a curtain to end her fingers’ performance, which is mentally curling and stretching towards above.
For just a moment...
She is usually asleep at this time, when the dark will be so black that she can no longer see her pink home. But her ceiling is still open, so the moonlight trickles down her face.
It is quieter than the sun’s advances, but this still tempts her, causing her not to breathe.
She trembles. She hears squeaking and scuttling. She knows that it is the critters of the night. They usually don't bother her, she would fall asleep to their lullaby. But not today.
Come play with us…
She feels her heart fluttering around, miming her desires, squeaking,creaking, shrieking.
But she slams the longing down again. She breathes the fresh staleness in her home. It is her drug.
The drug, that is now weakening.
She shuts her eyes.
The chant whispers and pulls at her.
Come play with us...
Her heart keeps flying open, then shuts again. A squeaky, relentless door.
She sees her family flying away.
She is shrieking, but they do not hear her.
The lonely feelings are eating at her soul.
Don’t worry, she whispers.
I am not going up.
She dreams of
She feels the sun again. She sucks her nectar. She inhales her velvety fortress.
She feels sick.
Her body is too cramped, longing to move.
She feels pain, and she wiggles
Turns around and around
Until she feels even more stuck.
Momma? She whispers. The word sloshes in her throat.
She thinks she can hear his humming
The humming that assures
That everything is alright.
Her sister is wailing.
I am not going. I won’t leave without you.
She will not go up.
With that, she wills her body to submission.
She hums her way from the desires
Silences her body from the longings.
Softly soothing to safety and saturation of simplicity.
Her body now yearning for the home
And nothing outside the home.
No, she keeps telling her body
Until it finally submits, exhausted.
She smiles with satisfaction
Snuggles to sleep...
Ignoring how much bigger she grew.
It all started with a drop of rain.
She wakes up to water splattering her nose.
She leaps back, but there is no room to escape.
She felt water long ago, but ever since she grew her pink home, she only hears it splatter and run in trickling shadows.
There is another one, and she feels cool
but wrong all over.
She feels her body stretching for it, aching for it. No-no-no. She must. She must close the opening...
Then the drops start pelting faster faster faster. She is wet all over. She hears the wind howl. Just like long ago, that deep loneliness
….No! She yells.
She tries to cling to her nectar, but it is no longer sticky. It makes her slip and slide and crash.
Her whole home is shaking now, in dizzying motions, and cold air sweeps her off her feet.
She will not submit!
She sees her sister, yelling her name, as she gets swept away.
No! She screams.
I will not, I will not go up!
Her hair flies in her face. She cannot see. She can see. Light, burns in her mind, her body tingling and quaking and clawing to get closer.
She starts crying.
I won’t go
She sobs louder until she is numb.
She can no longer speak.
Her body is doing the speaking for her.
It stretches, climbs, rises. It feels lighter and lighter from each upward movement.
Her heart begs oh!
She sinks down to her
She musters all her strength to utter that cry one last time, and it tears through her whole being.
Her body pauses.
The wind holds its breath.
Her fortress stops shaking.
She looks around, breathes from relief.
It is all over.
But only for a second.
Her body rebels, and soon she is floating, up up up.
Her mind scurries for a reassuring anchor, but finds none.
So she flashes to her family.
They scatter away.
But she keeps growing.
She kept on growing.
Maybe she must.
She must keep
By keeping herself growing.
She closes her eyes.
Sweetness and pain explodes around her.
She tries to cover her scream, but it hurts.
Light, piercing light blossoms and bursts around her,
And she is flying, until she lands
And Silence covers her softly.
She opens her eyes. She is greeted by a rainbow palette of the world, luscious green trees, deep blue sky, and the sun is back. It dances and winks.
She stands unsteadily. The world whirls around, and for a moment she thought she would faint, but her body seems stronger.. She holds out her arms. No pink shield, walls, ceiling.
She turns around, and there is her pink velvet shield. But now they lifted upwards, causing her to lift up as well. She flaps them again, and a bolt of electricity surges through her.
She smiles, and zips through the air, her honey streaked hair pouring behind. She flies and darts, playing with the wind, the sun, the pond. She sees her family, and she feels their smiles.
They strengthen her, and she flies faster and higher.
She finally lies, exhausted, but only for a moment. Her body craves for more. She desires more.
Her wings twitch, and she can smell a fresh new aroma of peaches and rain. She smiles.