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kzachar1
kzachar1 ooh that’s a God idea, lemme write that
Autoplay OFF   •   a month ago
You two expect me to fall in love While you two are breathing down my neck.

Done

You two expect me to fall in love

While you two are breathing down my neck.

You expect me to completely analyze the man

While you two sit, me in the middle,

You two both dominate the conversation.

You two expect me to marry

But a guy that you prefer.

And if I fight back, even in a gracious way

You get mad and upset.

You two expect me to fall in love

With a man I do not love.

A man I cannot, will not submit to.

Submit means to go under their mission.

My mission that God graced me with is too big to go under that man's mission.

You expect me to fall in love

With a man who has an excellent resume

But when I look at him, there is no flicker of recognition

I have not seen him before, in my dreams.

You keep pushing this man in my arms, "is this your husband? Is he yours? I think I found him!"

And I look with my eyes, my heart, my soul. Nothing. "That's not him," and I slowly return him back to the ground.

I'm not completely mad at you two,

I take responsibility. I have allowed this to erode, my passivity, my loss of aggression, my people pleasing demeanor, wrung from my childhood, afraid to stir up dissension from saying no.

I see how your face falls when I say no.

My heart breaks.

But my heart breaks even more when I stifle to fall in love with a man who I do not recognize in my spirit.

And you guys may not know or believe it yet, but this can destroy you as well if I accept this man, because I will never accept him with a warm heart.

Never.

So I am done being a child.

I cannot fall in love with a man while my parents are breathing down my neck.

I will not allow them to enter the bedroom of my spouse,

To see our nakedness.

That is only for the man I find, for me alone.

I'm done.

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