I am warm, coldness is afraid of me
I close my eyes and pray for you.
Pain anticipates my being, but for some reason
It's like I don't care.
I feel a bigger hand hugging mine but all I see is your face in my head and I smile.
I twist and turn, faster and faster, knowing I can never lose you, no matter how hard I try.
I can suddenly feel it, the jolts of pain that tears me on the outside like a banana peel.
I scream out Jesus' name. "Please, please help me!"
Flurries of voices. Turn into snowflakes. I can feel the cold now. It's turning into hail. I can feel all the pounding at my head. It hurts.
But I can't let go of you. Even if I try.
I feel a waterfall underneath me, and I release,
Not really knowing how I feel at this point.
I just hear the screaming,
But it doesn't come from me.
I see you.
Thrashing, twisting, crying, like I was.
We are the same.
Your cord is still attached to me. I can see it.
Don't break it, I open my lips, but no words come out. Your daddy can't tell what I am saying. But as the doctor instructs him, he cuts our connection away.
My sore eyes fill with tears.
But you are then placed in my arms, buried at my breast, you are wailing but I only hear love.
I cry and cry and cry
No longer mad at my husband for cutting you off from me.
Because our cord is still here, even if it's invisible
I feel our connection