Approval
Approval approval stories
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kzachar1
kzachar1 ooh that’s a God idea, lemme write that
Autoplay OFF   •   9 months ago
Contains themes that I hid for awhile. I might take this piece down because it was hard for me to write...

Approval

My eyes were always wet

My head was always down

My mouth barely opened

As I shook for my parents' approval.

That was when I was small.

But it happened again, last summer.

Anxiety filled my heart

I kept swallowing to keep it down

My heart was halfway opened

As I shook for my daddy's approval.

Not my Heavenly Daddy,

My earthly daddy.

I prayed for him.

I cleaned for him.

I defended him.

I smiled for him.

But all he said was,

"Why do you keep

Disappointing me?"

One day I tried to seek for his approval

One last time.

But he kept making me madder and madder and sadder and sadder

I asked if I could go upstairs for a minute to talk to God.

He said yes, and I fled

In the darkness

My head was buried

In my pillow

I did not pray.

Instead I screamed in my pillow,

"WhatDoesHeWantFromMeWhatDoesHeWantFromMeWhatDoesHe---"

He finally called me downstairs

I wasn't ready and---

I can't finish the rest of this story.

I thought I could...but I...can't.

It still hurts a little too much.

All of that for my daddy's approval.

I think that's why

I'm closer to Jesus than ever now

He's the only man I can trust

I'm wondering if I'll ever trust another man again.

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