My eyes were always wet
My head was always down
My mouth barely opened
As I shook for my parents' approval.
That was when I was small.
But it happened again, last summer.
Anxiety filled my heart
I kept swallowing to keep it down
My heart was halfway opened
As I shook for my daddy's approval.
Not my Heavenly Daddy,
My earthly daddy.
I prayed for him.
I cleaned for him.
I defended him.
I smiled for him.
But all he said was,
"Why do you keep
One day I tried to seek for his approval
One last time.
But he kept making me madder and madder and sadder and sadder
I asked if I could go upstairs for a minute to talk to God.
He said yes, and I fled
In the darkness
My head was buried
In my pillow
I did not pray.
Instead I screamed in my pillow,
He finally called me downstairs
I wasn't ready and---
I can't finish the rest of this story.
I thought I could...but I...can't.
It still hurts a little too much.
All of that for my daddy's approval.
I think that's why
I'm closer to Jesus than ever now
He's the only man I can trust
I'm wondering if I'll ever trust another man again.