How to Excel in English: A Five Step Guide
How to Excel in English: A Five Step Guide stories
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kpkaboom
kpkaboomhas no accomplishments to put in a bio
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
The first of several "series" I'm testing out. Please let me know in the comments if you want to see more satirical five step guides to common school subjects...or want to never see them again. XD

How to Excel in English: A Five Step Guide

by kpkaboom

1. Passive voice makes everything sound more scholarly

Why should you write the paper when the paper should be written by you?

2. Never read any of the assigned works

If you're cut out to be an English buff, you'll be able to analyze works without cracking it open. If you're not, then you probably wouldn't get it even if you read the work so what's the point?

3. Use big words to sound important

In order to ensure teachers heed your compositions, it is of the utmost importance that you write using the most elephantine adjectives and adverbs; for this they will reward you with high grades

4. LENGTH LENGTH LENGTH LENGTH LENGTH LENGTH LENGTH LENGTH

Try to make your masterpiece as protracted and circumlocutory as possible. Bonus points for chaining clauses like paper clips. Better works are always longer - just ask Hemingway.

5. Use fancy punctuation like there's no tomorrow

Better be safe than sorry - you don't want to be that one person who "eats shoots and leaves"... or worse; that would be a disaster!!!!!!!!

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