Laundry detergent (extra-strength, high efficency)
To get rid of stains on my otherwise perfectly normal-looking clothes. Preferably in a somewhat portable size because my name isn't Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So that I appear moderately presentable in public.
My counselor said it was a good way to keep track of everything in my life, which will help me "take control of my life".
Because I'm incredibly accident-prone and I often need to fix things quickly and just well enough that they don't fall apart immediately on me.
My true self
Although I've just been informed that it's out of stock. They do have a pharmacy though.