Recipe: how to procrastinate
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kpkaboomhas no accomplishments to put in a bio
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

Recipe: how to procrastinate

by kpkaboom

Ingredients

Good intentions, the internet, social media accounts (the more the better), and a perfectionist mindset. This recipe can only be made when you've run out of self-discipline.

Additional recipe details

Recipe difficulty: easy Cook time: as long as possible Servings: unlimited until your deadline forces you to get your act together

Step 1: In a large bowl, add five cups of good intentions

Sit down to do your work, open your laptop and make a genuine effort to be productive.

Step 2: Add a cup of internet and a teaspoon of social media

3 minutes into working is a great time for a break. Click on anything and everything that catches your eye - your friend from summer camp's Facebook photo album, the latest Carpool Karaoke...

Step 3: Following your mind's natural flow, mix ingredients

Text your friend a link to Adele's carpool karaoke, see unanswered FB messages & answer those, be reminded of an awesome Wait But Why article about being insufferable on Facebook & reread that

Step 4: Add a dash of resolve to work again, only to realize

Your ideas are terrible, the assignment is impossible, and no matter how much work you put into it it'll never improve. Might as well just give up now and rewatch your favorite Netflix series.

Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 as desired

until...

Step 6: Stop mixing when you see a DEADLINE APPROACHING!

Snap out of that internet-surfing haze and GET TO WORK

Warning: recipe may become more potent over repeated usage

The more you use this recipe, the less effective deadlines will be at stopping its effects. You may find yourself mixing longer and until closer to deadlines.

Disclaimer: recipe creator not liable for adverse effects of using this recipe. Follow recipe at your own risk.

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kpkaboomFrequent Readerhas no accomplishments to put in a bio
a year agoReply
thanks @adritadroy!

adritadroyBronze CommaI am a lover of language, are you?
a year agoReply
hahahaha so funny! too good!!

kpkaboomFrequent Readerhas no accomplishments to put in a bio
a year agoReply
@pops @pluto thank you!

a year agoReply
clever!!!!!

plutoCommabassadorPlanets man
a year agoReply
LOL this is so hilarious

kpkaboomFrequent Readerhas no accomplishments to put in a bio
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil thanks!

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
This was great! The recipe format was ingenious. It kept my attention throughout the story. The stanzas were the proper length to keep things moving along. I think I follow​ that recipe.