It was few minutes past midnight and I was in my bathroom as usual, on the floor, doing what was now normal to me.
 It was few minutes past midnight and I was in my bathroom as usual, on the floor, doing what was now normal to me. feelings stories
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kikikween
kikikween 19year old who loves her melanin.
Autoplay OFF   •   7 months ago
Quick reminder that suicide is never the answer, self-harming isn't a healthy way to escape, so many people love you and the world needs you. Please let me what you think

It was few minutes past midnight and I was in my bathroom as usual, on the floor, doing what was now normal to me.

I held onto the sink and stood up. My body ached all over

I dragged my feet tiredly and stood in front of the mirror

I stared at my naked body. There was nowhere else to cut

Cuts and dried blood were all over my arms, stomach and thighs

Of course they hurt, but not as much as I did on the inside

If that was needed to numb my emotions just for a while, I'd gladly take it

Suddenly, an idea crossed my mind. I bent down and picked up the razor lying on the floor with blood all over it

It was the only thing I felt close to. The only thing that understood me. The only thing that always helped me, even if it wasn't the kind of help I needed

I held it to my wrist and looked at the girl in the mirror for what I thought would be the last time

I looked deeply into her eyes and saw something; fear

I knew we were both tired of trying to be who we weren't Of dealing with things we didn't want Of not knowing who we were

Why then was she scared?

I looked down at my vein kissing the razor and back up at the girl in the mirror

Suddenly, I knew what she was thinking

Her mom, dad, people who loved her even though she didn't love herself

How she'd hurt them with her selfish decision

How she'd never get to write the life she wanted for herself

How she didn't want the word "coward" to ever be included in her story

How she'd miss out on what life had in store for her

How she'd never see her friends laugh at her failed attempts to dance

How she'd never fight over the last slice of pizza with her sister

How She'd never get to look forward to the next best album

Most Importantly, how she'd never get to meet her future self

Suddenly, what she wanted became obvious

She wanted her misery to end, not her life

I gave the razor one last look and dropped it with a new resolution in mind

If the girl in the mirror could feel fear, maybe she could feel love

Maybe she wasn't that numb after all

Maybe love for herself was deep down somewhere and she just needed to find it

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