I lay in bed as I turn from side to side. I check my phone to see the time. It's 2:00am. It's been four hours since I've turned off the lights. I sigh.
I pick up my headphones and plug in some soft music. But instead of relaxing, my mind wanders to the regrets I have never said out loud.
I hear the pain in his voice and my heart sinks at the horrible memories I have created.
I look out my window to see the beautiful city lights. I never had problem sleeping so I don't know why these past nights I have.
I wish I could go to those city lights.
I wish I could explore the places I've never seen before.
For some reason I find the outside comforting.
I would just walk around with my headphones and... think.
People find me weird. A little girl walking around with those big headphones.
But music has always helped me cope with my feelings.
So has nature.
Especially during the night. When your eyes catch the beautiful scenery. It just magically makes you smile.
That's why I wish during the night... instead of an endless sleep I could explore the places my eyes have never seen... and there I can smile
But the mind is a complex thing.
I'm also a bit scared of the dark.
Scared of the people I will meet
Scared that I'm alone
Scared that the last light shining will go off.
And I said that music and nature helps me feel better. But it also makes me feel... guilty?!
The soft sounds coming in my ears. The soft breeze that makes my cheeks blush. I feel free. But I also feel held back by my mind... by my regrets.