She was in Kindergarten. She felt alone.
Her mother and aunt worked constantly.
Sometimes she had to stay alone at home with her sick grandmother.
All the little girl could hear was groans and screams of the pain that gripped onto her grandmother.
She attempted to close her room door.
But the wind would push her door back and forth making sounds,
"Ghosts! Monsters! Demons! At the door!" She thought, she believed whenever she heard those noises.
She hated school.
"Why you hanging out with that white girl."
"She racist cause she white."
"Ugly." Is what she felt.
The girl couldn't concentrate in school.
She loved to imagine.
Her mind is not here, it's somewhere else.
All she wants to do is daydream.
She doesn't care for math.
Leave her alone, she's creating another world
Her mind is creating another world.
Don't touch my stomach, little girl.
Nap time was the worst.
She went home
screams, screams, screams.
Her grandmother on the floor.
Reaching up as if she was a zombie from the walking dead.
Fear, fear! She looks like a monster trying to grab her
Run girl run!
She don't believe in God.
She believes God only loves those cool kids, those bullies.
She's angry with God.
No dad. She's alone.
Mom isn't always there. She loves her but she's working.
Never knew how to ride a bike.
Didn't feel liked.
Not by family
Not by school
"Quiero a mi mama! Quiero a mi tia!!" Thats all I want.
Still angry at God.
A family member, "Want me to pray for you or not!?"
The girl, "If God is like this man I don't like him!"
Depression, sadness, fear, anxiety, hatred, and more filled the girl.
Watching the news. More violence. More death. More hate. More crime.
First thought: You hate God.
Girl: no no? What I didn't say that.
Thought: YOU hate GOD!
Girl: I'm not saying this no I don't!
"You hate God, you hate God."
"No I don't no I don't!"
Say chicken once
her mind says it a thousand times
Say hi once
Her mind says it a million times
She didn't fully touch the door knob
She has to go back to touch it all the way.
She checks the doors
a thousand times.
She cant imagine no more.
The thoughts interrupt her again.
She picks at her skin.
I'm going crazy! she says
shootings at night
and throughout the day
Hates to ride the bus
All the youngsters in the back yelling and smoking weed.
No peace at night, neighbors making creaking noises at night.
Self hate, self doubt.
anxiety. depression. Stuttering. War within the mind. She cant shout for help.
Her mind has a mind of its own.
She's dying slowly.
The devil is running after her. But before he reaches her, she remembers someone.
She runs to the Bible. Begins to read. Doesn't understand but continues reading.
Suffering. Interrupting thoughts. Prayer.
Suffering. Gains skill of understanding other people. Misophonia. Repeating thoughts. Prayer.
Suffering. Depression. Anxiety. Learns how to distinguish between right and wrong. Anger. Miophonia. Repeating thoughts. Prayer.
Suffering. Depression. Anxiety. Learns how to observe the world around her. Misophonia. Repeating thoughts. Prayer.
Grandma dies. No more screams to scare her.
Suffering. Depression. Anxiety. Learns how to be patient. Misophonia. Repeating thoughts. Prayer.
Suffering again and she learn something new again.
Late at night. Tried a new pill to take away those thoughts those feelings. Suddenly she cant move. Something underneath her bedsheets says, "Lets make a deal.
" She says, "No Satan, I stand with Jesus Christ." She then is able to move again.
Got to church. Pastor prayers for her. She suddenly hears silence in her mind. She's free?!
Anxiety and depression though stay with her.
Struggle with society. Can't speak. cant make friends. stuttering. Not used to the silence.
Prays for a miracle.
She's free. But she's glad God allowed her to go through that pain. Because without it she wouldn't know all that she knows now. God walked with her. Without him she would have died.
She understands now. Something others may not.