Sober Mornings
Sober Mornings break stories

kerryjohnstone Queer poet with a lot on their mind
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
remembering the bad in hand with all that is good in her.

Sober Mornings

by kerryjohnstone

You my friend are something else,

a whole world of something else

or just a whole other world that accidentally collided in some kind of mystical collision that brought you hurtling towards me with out stopping making a situation that’s…

Something else.

God knows I was into you from the first moments and I don’t even believe in him but he’s about the only soul who’ll listen to me these days.

I also knew from the start you were a backpack full of hell no’s and straight girl prose from my past that I so desperately trying to get rid of,

Bury in the back garden,

Shit I’m even sure I burnt a few pages of this story… but it just kept coming back no matter how hard I pushed it all away

On nights out I promise myself never again

after the first, after the second, after the third time never again,

But oh, honey. you speak so sweetly to my liquor drowned heart.

your gin and toxic words and tainted lips swirl my head like snake venom slowly dissolving what little common sense I had left and now I can’t think any more.

My brain freezes, ceasing up, as my heart takes over and I know this is

a bad, an awful, the worst idea imaginable.

But you… Are ever so persuasive. And before I know it we’re absorbed into each other… Something I’ll later have to apologise for to the poor souls who become our third wheels.

As night draws to an end we will stand and have the Same conversation every time, we can poured our souls out to each other, drank in the moment and you said,

“I always tell the truth”

but I have been lied to that many times I don’t think i could believe it even from you.

I’ll wake up beside you,

before you,

see you peacefully dream as the light drags through the window casting by us and I’ll drift off once more.

This moment. This one. I could have stay in. I could have drown in this moment alone because the second I’m out that door…

You're gone.

I’m invisible to you.

Nothing exists beyond this.

And I can say I’m okay with that a million times over… But I wasn't, i should have been but I won’t be.

I wanted to hold your hand, hold you, rest my head in your shoulder let you do the same… I wanted to be there for you. And I know that neither if us want a relationship,

but I at least wanted to know that this might have been something that reached beyond my vodka induced dreams.

Only now... I just want to Forget.

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