A poem to you.
A poem to you.  pain stories

kerryjohnstone Queer poet with a lot on their mind
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
an attempt to explain whats going on in my head. you always want me to open up...

A poem to you.

by kerryjohnstone

There's a numbness that comes hand in hand with the darkest of moments. The numbness removes my heart for a while and I stop being able to feel..



I've lost the essence that kept my love intact. What was once my purest form is taken away.

This deep form of nothingness is what is drawing me back and fourth like the moon does to the tides

And I see all it has done is confusing you it's tearing you apart. The back and fourth that I have become so accustomed to is destructive for anyone else caught amongst the waves.

The whirlwind of words I'm trying to tame right now to put into words what's going on rather matches my head...

Messy and unhinged, tangled and tongue tied, lost and empty.

What I'm trying to explain is...

What i'm trying to say is...

Where I'm going with this is...

They all say in the greatest of triumphs "if you truly love someone set them free and if they love you they will come back."

What this has to do with what I'm saying I'm not sure but I'm working it out slowly.

Did you love me?

Did you say it and I missed it?

Did you whisper it into the night in the hopes I'd hear it?

I never thought I was able to love. Never thought I could love.

I can lust. I have lusted.

Until for two brief moments in time I did love.

I loved twice.

Her in an unknown passion filled rush before she broke me into pieces.

You in the words of the world and the depth of the twilight night. But those are the most dangerous times to love.

I've lost my love, my heart, my passion. Both her and you. I lost you to my Loss of love.

The darkness swooped over me and stole it. And stole you in the process.

In one frail night I have never lost so much to the thing that I cannot see. Lost it to the monster in my mind.

No more excuses. No more lies. I'm scared of a forever alone. A forever with out you

without you...

without you.

It doesn't sit well on my lips Leaves a bad taste on my tongue Burns my throat spreads a poison unbearable to my head.


Goodbye. What kind of word is good bye. What farewell is ever good. I don't want farewells but your pulling away to protect yourself from me.

Your setting off on a future you seem to see with out me...

Do you see it with out me?

Do you want it with out me?

Do you want to say goodbyes?

Well I guess that may be safer for us both... Right?

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