You told me that I had to make the first move.
I told you that scared me.
Which is true. My hands are shaking as I type this. It's a big step for me, but I have to do it.
I wanted to tell you how I feel about you – how you make me feel.
But some feelings are hard to write about.
I can write about tragedy in a heartbeat, political rants come easily to me, and I can always find the words to criticise kale.
But I can't find the words for the way you make me feel, so instead I'll write this:
Imagine you're standing in a park, and it's the middle of autumn, and it's not too cold but there's a slight chill in the air, and all of the trees are covered in a fire of leaves.
And the fire is slowly wafting down like snow, and a carpet of leaves is crunching beneath your feet. And you step from the shade of the tree into a beam of sunlight.
And it hits your body, and warms you down to your toes. And then a dog comes bounding up to you, and you pet it, and it licks your hand and chases its tail.
But how can you put those feelings into words?
Sure, you could use generic descriptions: happy, carefree, contented. Or you could use pointless cliches: my heart skipped a beat, I felt like I was floating, I had butterflies in my stomach.
You could use metaphors. You could describe a park, and some sunshine, and leaves, and a dog, instead of finding the words to describe how you feel when you see someone special to you.
Because you can't actually put those feelings into words without sounding like a Hallmark card. And you don't want to sound like that, because they're fake, and this is real.
Because there's nothing more real – nothing that hits you harder – than a shaft of sunlight on a cold day, and leaves crunching beneath your feet, and the cutest, fluffiest, happiest dog.
You can't put that into words. Not properly. Because you can't do it justice. So you look to the world around you, and you describe it:
I feel like there's sunshine warming me on a cold day. I feel like trees are gently snowing small pieces of fire. I feel like I'm touching the earth but I'm part of the sky above me.
And I feel happiest when I'm with you.