Like a sprinkle, I was usually gone before you noticed.
I slipped out of the room just as you entered. I brushed past you in the hall as you made your way to your locker. I sat two seats behind you on the bus we took home together.
I was always there.
But you never noticed.
Not that I'd expect you to. Gosh, you're a teenager girl. You're concerned about how your hair looks or if your makeup is running or if you should ask Tim to the school dance.
Which you shouldn't do. I heard from Penny that he is a sloppy kisser.
But with a sprinkle, comes rain. Hard. Unrelenting. Cold.
And this rain, it soaks you, ruining your clothes and those perfect curls you spent hours to get to hold in your straight hair. That was me. I ruined people. My whole existence was bothersome.
I'm not sure when it started.
If it was when my mom drunkenly slapped me or when my dad abandoned us. But these thoughts began to consume me. Scary, wicked thoughts. Like how the world would be without me. Better off? Maybe.
I could feel my humanity, my soul, slipping away from me.
I was slowly losing myself in this darkness that had no end. Oblivion. I lost my sense to care. About anything. Anyone. That is, before I saw you.
It was like a dying plant receiving a drop of water.
I basked in your presence. I could finally see a light in this oblivion of darkness. You revitalized me and didn't even know it.
I was the freak loner who drifted around reality.
But you tethered me. You chased away those scary thoughts. You were my salvation. But once again, I'm like the rain.
And after rain falls, it dries up. Evaporates.
I ruined many things in my life. I tainted everything. But not you. Never you. It had all become too much. I needed to escape. It was necessary.
At least that's how I convinced myself,
to swallow those pills. It seemed easier, knowing that you would hear about my death, maybe feel a twinge of sadness, but be able to move on. And as my heartbeat raced and my eyes closed,
I was finally able to smile.
Rain, rain Go away Come again some other day.