against the grain
against the grain grade stories
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kaylynn
kaylynn Awkward writer girl
Autoplay OFF   •   4 months ago
strangely vulnerable.

against the grain

since i was a young child,

since i was a young child, i've always gotten "good" grades.

not at the urgency of parents,

the social popularity

the teacher's admiration.

since i was a young child,

since i was a young child, i knew it was all i was good at.

not the field sports,

not the field sports, not the musical tunes,

not the field sports, not the musical tunes, not the beauty court.

since i was a young child,

since i was a young child, i knew my ability to learn quickly would have to save me.

because i was never anything more

because i was never anything more than the person to call

because i was never anything more than the person to call when they needed "good" grades.

i learned quickly,

i learned quickly, i don't need these friends

i learned quickly, i don't need these friends as much as they need me.

my "good" grades

my "good" grades taught me

my "good" grades taught me self-resilience and independence.

Author's note: Hey everyone! This is a...confusing poem for those who don't know me (which is most of you haha). So, I figured I'd offer a small explanation.

For me, my good grades alienated me from everyone. I was too smart for some, too humble for others, and too self-aware for everyone. The grades mean nothing to me. But the safety for my self-esteem could be found there.

For someone who couldn't fit in anywhere, being able to fit in this system of grading and be good at it- that helped me through a lot. So, while I believe grades are truly lame and pointless, my emotional and social being was able to rest from the relentless rejection.

There's that haha. Thanks for reading and I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. <3

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