Let’s fast forward past the drama where I go back to school and become the local nerd hero. Past the drama of the hallways and the evil glares.
Past the detention and the awkward meetings with parents.
Welcome to the holiday season, the time of year where most of Oklahoma is celebrating the birth of Christ with a twenty four pack of beer and a couple of cartons of cigarettes.
It was about ten in the morning and I could already see the ice crystals starting to stick to the glass on my window.
I stared across the street and noticed the bright red door framing one Lizzy Bright in her vibrant pink coat.
My heart started to race at the thought the beautiful girl residing in the beautiful house with the beautiful life.
Today was the day that people would be celebrating my triumph of over Lizzy Bright. I threw on a pair of jeans over my boxers and a long sleeve t-shirt.
As I pushed open my door my mom was standing there about to knock on the door.
"Hey mom," I tried to nudge past her.
"Honey, I'm worried about you," she held onto my shoulder with the strength of the incredible Hulk.
My mom is always worried about my social status.
She feels that I am "emotionally unstable" and that I need to "break out of my shell" (or at least that what her therapist, Dave, tell her about me).
"Mom I've got somewhere to be," I patted her hand, "It's almost Christmas. Give my social life a break for once."
Hurriedly I threw on my black coat and snow shoes. As I opened our very decorated door.
Thanks to my mother’s obsession with Hobby Lobby and Southern Living our home looks like Father Christmas used our living space as his personal storage unit.
Thomas stood in the cold holding a box of cookies.
"Sup, bro?" Thomas came into the sickly sweet cinnamon infused house. Thanks again to my mother’s other obsession with anything with the words scented or candle in it.
You would be surprised how many hobbies she has other than gossiping with her tennis coach about me and her charity circle.
"Nothing much but I have seriously got to go!" I pushed Thomas out of the way.
"What's the rush?" He placed the cookies into my mom's hands and started to follow me to the end of our winding driveway.
"I’m going to go talk to Lizzy is a go," I looked across the street and instantly felt my shoes slipping on the ice, "It's time I stop being a little bitch and get on with my life.
" I looked at him and shrugged.
“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Thomas skidded across the already icey ground.
I looked across the street to see Lizzy Bright looking straight at me as I attempted to cross the street.
She looked really worried and I couldn't figure out why.
So, I just waved.
Right as I lifted my hand I realized that a black truck was barrelling towards me. Shit. I jumped out of the way barely missing the oncoming traffic.
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!" I heard Thomas yelling at someone.
"Dude it was an accident," the voice responded at the yelling Panamanian.
Car doors shut and I layed on the sidewalk for a moment.
I started another one of my famous mental checklists.
There was more yelling and I could hear Lizzy Bright's voice pierce through two deeper ones.
"I swear to baby Jesus! I will take you out again! Do you want me to file a lawsuit for bullying?
This is getting to be a repeating factor in life!" Thomas was still yelling at the top of his lungs.
I looked to see the dick Jaxson standing next to Thomas.
Can you believe this guy? He sucker punches me then almost runs me over with his car? Am I just a fucking target for douchebags getting out their anger?
Can’t he just take up yoga or boxing like a normal person to release some aggression?
I was about to give up on trying to get up when Lizzy Bright leaned down and stroked my hair out of my face and helped me sit up.
"Guys, help me get him inside. You two can bitch at each other later!" Lizzy Bright held me up making sure I didn't slip into a comma or anything.
“Honestly I’m fine Lizzy,” I stood up on my own.
“Your head is bleeding,” She stood on her toes to look at my forehead, “Come on and at least let me get you a bandaid or something.”
We walked through the infamous bright red doors and into a comfortable cottage like house. Lizzy brought me into the kitchen where she pulled out a box of bandaids.
She gingerly placed one on my forehead letting her delicate fingers graze my skin.
"Listen Chase I'm really sorry," Lizzy Bright’s fingers lingered a moment to long. She could tell that she had stepped over a boundary and retracted her hand quickly.
“I just don’t get why you are with that idiot,” I sat on one of the barstools while Lizzy continued to rummage through the cabinets before she found a spot for the bandaids to return.
She looked up at me, “Yeah.”
We heard yelling from the living room from Thomas and Jaxson. She ran into the battlefield.
"Why should I be sorry? It's not like it's my fault that you were standing in the road. Plus you should of seen me coming!" Jaxson being a dick like always.
Jaxson was up in Thomas’ face putting his pointer finger against his chest.
I could tell Thomas was getting angry because he started doing that thing where he talks to himself in Spanish and honestly, I’m glad I don’t know what he is saying.
I butted into the conversation, "Okay, so you realize that the last time I talked to you I got sucker punched and now you are trying to blame me almost hitting me with your car?
Something just isn’t adding up."
His face grew red with anger. He really does have anger issues. I have no idea how Lizzy has lasted this long with such a steaming pile of human garbage as him.
"Jaxson calm down. Go to the kitchen we will talk in there. I’ll see you later Chase. Sorry for all of this," Lizzy Bright stood next to me.
I could see her hands starting to do that nervous fidgety thing they do.
I leaned in to give Lizzy Bright a hug and whispered in her ear, “If you ever need anything I’m right here. It’s not like I don’t just live across the street.”
With that, I walked out of the bright red door and across the street to my overly decorated home.
I started taking off my coat and shoes when my mom came over to me looking at my shirt, "Is that blood?"
"No, I'm fine," I brushed the snow out of my hair.
"That's definitely blood,"
"Drop it mom I slipped."
"We will talk about this later. Slipped my ass. How would you two like some hot cocoa?" My mom ushered us over to the kitchen, "So, where did you two dart off to?"
I sipped the rich chocolatey liquid, "The Brights...we um...wished them a Merry Christmas." (she didn't need to know about the car thing)
She looked at me with mischievous eyes.
You know the look that says I'm going to shift through your business and not even bother asking if you wanted me to.
"So, how was Elizabeth?" Mom looked at me curiously.
Lizzy Bright's full name was Elizabeth Katherine Bright but, when she was six she would only go by Lizzy because A. it was short for Elizabeth and B. she wanted to be like Lizzy McGuire.
So since then, Lizzy Bright just kinda stuck.
"They are all fine," Thomas cut into the conversation attempting to stop the bullets from being fired.
"Thomas have you found a....partner yet?" Mom asked prying into his business.
At least the bullets weren't being fired in my direction.
"Partner? You know I'm not gay Mrs. Donovin," Thomas looked sternly at my mom.
For some reason my mom thinks that Thomas is gay. It might be because he is 17 and has never had a girlfriend or even a fling.
According to the world of my mother that automatically points in the direction that they are either:
"Any how! So when is the Christmas festivities about to begin?" Thomas practically jumped out of his seat and ran to the Christmas tree looking at the presents like a little kid.
"Not till tomorrow but, we are going to midnight mass! That should be exciting," My mom was the only person on earth that actually liked Christmas Eve mass.
I mean yeah it's great and all but I'd rather be spending my midnights in bed.
Mom went back into the kitchen and emerged with a large tray of cookies and some frosting, "So I was thinking," (that's dangerous! Mom thinking....
really?) "Why haven't we ever had a New Year's Eve party? So I invited some of the neighborhood families over to have some fun!"
This is a bad idea because my mom's idea of "fun" isn't fun.
And secondly, which friends does she think I have?
"Who all did you invite?" I watched her glide icing on the secret family recipe sugar cookies.
"Oh you know, Thomas and his parents, The Smiths, The Brights, and the Rodgers from down the street," she stopped and looked at my pale face, "Something wrong sweet?"
I gave Thomas the look that said we need to talk pronto, "No, um, I just forgot to do something."
I ran up to my room with Thomas at my heels.
While pacing around my cramped room, littered with books, Thomas gave me a weird look, "Dude what's wrong?"
"Dude Lizzy is coming...."
"I can't face her after that!"
"Dude get some balls cause I think yours are nonexistent!"
"A man's balls are always a good point...it's more of a rounded subject than a point actually..."
"Dude that's enough about your balls."
I gathered up my courage and my balls and rearranged my plan to capture Lizzy Bright.
This meant war.