I need you here all the time so I can escape the sea of misery that is consuming me, the depth I am drowning in, my head under water,
sea water threatening to sting my eyes if I were to keep them open.
I need you to talk all the time so I can escape my mind, the thoughts that flood in like waves of an army, swallowing me with all their heaviness and power.
Hold my hand as the water depth heightens and the water pushes me further down.
Don't let go no matter which direction it pulls.
I can't be alone. I just can't.
The blue sea turns into the black sea and I am cold, and my skin is so wet that it is dry, and my heart so damp, and I am falling.
I am empty and I let go of you.
I didn't mean to.
My heart stopped, grip loosening, finger tips departing like a ship smoothing to sail, the anchor pulled back to base.
I needed you here all the time and you were there but I felt so lonely. I needed your presence.
The sea of misery consumed me and I drowned, my body under water and I never opened my eyes because I was scared.
I didn't move because I couldn't.
I needed you to talk all the time and you did, your whispers trying at their utmost to pull me closer.
I still couldn't escape, I guess my voice was louder, flooding anything else that was good.
And all that was left was a heaviness that hurt me and power that pushed me down.
I needed you to hold my hand and never let go and you did.
You even stood tall and tried to hold me up.
I wasn't alone but I felt so alone.
The blue sea was a reflection of the sun and sky glistening, and then clouds came causing a type of grey and when they disappeared it was a storm.
I wish you could have held me and made my skin warm, my heart full.
I let go of you and I swear I didn't mean to!
I was trying so hard to fight.
My heart was beating so fast, and then it stopped.
I was latching on with all I had but it wasn't enough, a loose connection.
Maybe if I had of entwined against you with all I was we wouldn't have departed, and I wouldn't be here, above you, in the sky, glistening with it.
My trip was smooth, a ship at sail that stopped, an anchor no longer needed.
The permanence of the end back to base, before it all began.
Copyright (c) by Kathryn Jenkins.
All rights reserved.
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