Sometimes...
Sometimes... mindfulchaos stories
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katkat_397
katkat_397 TheFrenchWordForPassionne (Impassioned)
Autoplay OFF   •   a month ago
If someone has not felt this way before I would be surprised. Sometimes we feel ugly, from the inside to the outside. Sometimes we feel like we do not fit into ourselves or that who we are when we look into the mirror is not a true reflection of us. Sometimes we spend so much time focusing on our flaws that we forget every other component that makes us, us. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we are beautiful even when we do not feel it. Sometimes we can be ugly people but that does not define us, the beauty we hold within us outweighs this, and it will forever.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel so ugly, I do not fit into my skin.

Like the surface that is surrounding me, is not mine.

Like I do not know who it might belong to, but I know that I do not want it to be me.

There are so many marks there and I do not know how they all got there.

It is like somebody else, the somebody that it might belong to, used my skin and placed it back onto me, where it did not belong anyway.

It is not just the skin though, but the entire surface too.

All these bits that are placed there.

I do not want to say the word disgust, as I feel the permanence of this will destroy me, but it is there.

I am disgusted by how ugly I feel. Or am?

I do not have the resources to fix it, and who is it say it is fixable?

I want to change it all, every part of my skin.

My surface.

As I look and feel deeper maybe I want to change all that is inside of me too.

Maybe I am just stuck this way, and this is me.

My personality is engrained into my skin. My surface.

I cannot change this either.

Why do I not fit into my skin in a skin-deep sense of thought?

Why is the surface not me as I remain skin deep and begin to fall further down?

Why do I know who it belongs to?

There are so many marks there and I know how they all got there.

It was like me, it was me.

I used my skin and it stayed where it belongs.

The entire surface too.

All the bits that are placed there.

The permanence of the world, no!

How I feel has destroyed me.

I am disgusted of how ugly I am.

I do not have the resources to fix it, and even if I did it is not fixable.

I want to change it all. EVERY. PART. OF. ME.

From the outside to the inside.

Sometimes I am so ugly.

Copyright (c) by Kathryn Jenkins.

All rights reserved.

Thank you for reading! Please comment, any feedback including constructive criticism is always welcome!

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