Once again I've relapsed
Did around 23 cuts an inch or so deep..
I hate myself for it
I feel like I've failed so many of you guys and mostly
But when I cut for the first time in 2 weeks I was finally
Calm and didn't have stress and worry
I just had peace and control
I know how bad this sounds but it's true
I was finally away from all my thoughts
I was away from reality
Cutting is the only thing keeping me alive right now
If one day I decide to not cut but to kill myself I won't
Care I won't be missed I don't matter now and I won't when
I'm dead...but I'm not gonna kill my self soon Bc I can't
Put Nevaeh (my best friend and reason to keep going )
Through all of the pain of losing me . We are like sisters
Even tho I'm in a lot of pain I would never be able to
Forgive myself if I did that to Nevaeh .
I wish I didn't care so much but I do ...
I won't tell her I cut again Bc I can't hurt her .
I'll just keep my Smile on until one day it falls
And I cut to deep not caring who I hurt
Cutting as of rn won't kill me on the outside
But it will just speed up the breaking inside
Ik it alive inside anymore I died a long time ago.
Everyday is hard as hell to even function !
I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt by relapsing
But just know it was either I cut or I overdose
I chose the temporary instead of permanent solution .
Know I love you all!!