Little dogs are attacking me. I am in pain in a way that I find hard to describe. On one hand it looks kinda cute since the dogs are tiny little pups.
This does not make up for the fact that when pups work in groups, they can really tear the flesh from a man. And that's exactly what's happening to me right now.
"Please let me go!"
One of the cutest looking pooches I've ever seen completely ignores me and starts chomping on my nose. I howl in misery.
"Spare me! I have so much more to contribute!"
I realize that I do not have much more time before I succumb to my injuries and leave this earth. I search deep within for one last jolt of energy to get me through this ordeal.
Without even thinking I grab one of the pups by his ear and toss him through the air! He cries as he sails away into the kitchen!
I grab another cute pup by the tail and whip him against another tiny hound! I think my attackers are getting the message, for the rest begin to retreat from my bruised body.
I take this opportunity to stand up and wipe the blood from my face.
"I've shown ye mutt's who is the boss around these parts! Now you know never to cross me again!"
The little pooches are howling together in protest. I ignore them and head to the pantry where I grab a large sack of dog food which I pour into their communal trough.
"Eat, but know this!" I shout raising one finger in front of me. "If I should ever be ganged up again, it will be one of you who ends up in the trough!"
The pups appear to bow their heads in understanding as they begin their breakfast.