I am so proud because today is my hamster's birthday. He deserves so much attention. He is special and unique in a way that you don't see very often these days.
I first met him when I went to the zoo last summer.
I was in the Rhino exhibit and I remember seeing this tiny hamster with a very tiny face suddenly run across the floor of the rhino enclosure. He was running straight towards me.
He came right up to the glass and pressed his tiny hamster face against the surface. I laughed very loud.
"Haha, look everyone! There is a tiny hamster within this enclosure!" People began running over to me as fast as they could. They were screaming with excitement.
"What a sight!" Shrieks a woman who wears socks up to her knees.
"'Tis a pleasure that I have not known before," declares a young boy from atop his father's shoulders.
Suddenly I heard a siren and a big commotion behind me. I turned around and saw a zoo worker driving over in a golf cart.
"Part yourselves!" She screamed. "Make way for the young woman that I am!"
The zoo guests stood aside and let the Zoo keeper drive towards the glass.
"Where is the anomaly? Someone help a girl out!"
A little girl sitting in a stroller points towards the glass. "Over that way, ma'am," she says.
"What are you going to do with it?" Screams a man who is dressed like a Wall Street banker. "I think we the people deserve an answer!"
The gathered crowd erupts in agreement.
"Calm down all ye people!" Shouts the zoo keeper as she exits the golf cart and applies rubber gloves.
"I need to assess the situation first! From there I shall make an informed decision, I give y'all my word!"
"Thank God for that," shouts an old woman through tears. "I sense that a river of love lives inside that tiny hamster chest!"
"Maybe so, maybe so," whisper the zoo keeper. "But he could be an imposter as well!" She removes a red marker and a small mallet from her belt. She draws a bullseye on the glass.
"Stand back folks!" She declares. The crowd becomes completely enamoured as they all take a half step backwards.
The zoo keeper takes a deep breath and then begins smashing the mallet into the glass. She screams like Yoko Ono. "HeyyyEYEYYEY!!!!!!!"
"An incredible display of human ingenuity!" Shouts the young boy over the clanking of the zoo keeper.
Suddenly the glass cracks- then it shatters into a million pieces! The crowd cheers.
The business man throws his brief case into the air with excitement while the little girl in the stroller squirts her bottle onto the back of a clapping plumber.
"SHHH!!!" The zoo keeper puts her index finger to her mouth and furrows her eyebrows in anger. "I need COMPLETE SILENCE for this."
"We are so proud of you," whispers the old woman.
"You're bravery is on display like it has never been before," declares the young boy.
The zoo keeper puts her hands together in prayer and bows before the gathered observers. Then she steps over the ledge and into the enclosure. The audience releases a hushed gasp.
The hamster is sat on top one of the feeders in the corner. That is where the zoo keeper is tip-toeing towards. Suddenly something in the opposite corner catches my eye.
I glance to the left and notice what looks like a very nervous baby rhino hiding between the legs of a very annoyed Mama rhino. She looks pissed. My heart falls into my stomach.
I want to scream and warn the zoo keeper, but alas I cannot! She said that we oughta remain quite!
Suddenly a horrible roar leaves the Mama Rhino's mouth.
She is charging the zoo keeper! The audience gasps! The zoo keeper is hit and slammed against the wall! The audience screams! The Rhino is eating the zoo keeper!!
The audience completely loses their minds and begin trampling one another to reach the exits. I am lucky because I'm standing close to a door that leads to the parking lot.
When I get outside I fall to my hands and knees and sob into the hot pavement "What a horrific sight that was!" I moan.
Suddenly there is something in front of me. It's the tiny faced hamster! He looks O'so scared. I snatch him up and jog home to my condo.