I was looking at the beautiful moon out my window. It was very small but growing larger every day. "How much longer, captain?"
"Two more days, now please stop asking me that question."
"Oh come on, you know that I'm just curious."
"What you are is annoying."
The onboard plumber chimed in. "Oh come on now, fellas! Let's not turn on each other now!"
"No one's turning on anyone, we're just making it good and clear that Pilot Face is annoying as all hell."
"Oh come on now, Captain," moaned Pilot Face. "That's not fair."
"Just shut it and do your navigations."
I went back to my papers. I could feel my face burning up from embarrassment. The next three hours passed in silence, asides from the plumbers occasional farts.
Finally I couldn't stand the silence any longer and spoke up.
"Ok, we only have three more chicken parmesan burritos and then all we have is pasta. How are we going to divide this up, fellas?"
"Well I'm Captain and so it's important that I have my protein."
"That's true, and I'm the plumber and so I also need to stay sharp!"
"Well then all I get is pasta! Can't you and I split the burrito?" I asked the plumber.
"I don't think so, my friend."
"How unfair, and besides, the last thing this tiny capsule needs is you farting it up some more!"
"I have not been farting."
"You have! It's like clockwork!"
"Not so! Don't you know the saying, that in space no one can hear you fart?"
I turned to the captain. "You're in charge here- you oughta have the final say! What's it gonna be?"
"I say that I get both burritos and that you men can get started on the pasta."
The plumber and I pouted as we dug into our supper. The captain took the role of farting for the remainder of the voyage.