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justshutupxd
justshutupxdA writer making the world brighter
Autoplay OFF  •  9 months ago

You.

by justshutupxd

Kindergarden

We were little kids

That were just having fun.

Digging under the fence on the playground

And trying to escape because we had nothing better to do.

First Grade

I realized I had a silly crush.

And I wrote you a love note. It was scandalous.

You kissed me on the playground.

And I had to act like it was nothing.

Second Grade

You chose the other girl over me.

You kissed her under the trees around the play yard.

You left me alone.

And barely talked to me unless it was a class wide game.

Third Grade

I became a nobody.

And to you I didn't exist.

Fourth Grade

I was still alone.

By myself with only my family to keep me company.

Because know-it-all's aren't fun to be around.

And nerds are apparently weird.

Fifth Grade

I lost the two people I had left.

My aunt.... she died of lung cancer. And that boy... well he got popular and left me alone too.

Then I met a new 'You.'

You helped me out, kept me sane.

You became my best friend.

And later on what I thought to be something more.

Sixth Grade

And Seventh Grade

Eighth Grade too

I dated and faked happiness

While all along fearing messing up with you.

It took me a while.

And it took my life falling apart, but I lost you.

Ninth Grade

I trusted the wrong friends

And I ended up on the falling end of the deal

I wandered aimlessly for forever it seems

I was lost and alone.

Not because people left me out.

But because I became invisible.

I disappeared into a life I became okay with having

Until I met him.

Another new 'You.'

The only one that might actually see this.

You, I fell in love with.

And I made a mistake.

I hurt you, in trying not to get hurt myself

And failed miserably on both accounts.

I'm sorry for that.

I can't say I didn't mean to because I made those choices even though I felt they were wrong in the moment.

And you moved on.

And I now mean nothing to you but an old memory.

Or maybe a small sad smile every time I see you.

I am just a regret to you. For you choosing me in the first place when you could've had her all along.

I hope you are happy.

And I hope I find a new You.

This time one that stays.

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