We were little kids
That were just having fun.
Digging under the fence on the playground
And trying to escape because we had nothing better to do.
I realized I had a silly crush.
And I wrote you a love note. It was scandalous.
You kissed me on the playground.
And I had to act like it was nothing.
You chose the other girl over me.
You kissed her under the trees around the play yard.
You left me alone.
And barely talked to me unless it was a class wide game.
I became a nobody.
And to you I didn't exist.
I was still alone.
By myself with only my family to keep me company.
Because know-it-all's aren't fun to be around.
And nerds are apparently weird.
I lost the two people I had left.
My aunt.... she died of lung cancer. And that boy... well he got popular and left me alone too.
Then I met a new 'You.'
You helped me out, kept me sane.
You became my best friend.
And later on what I thought to be something more.
And Seventh Grade
Eighth Grade too
I dated and faked happiness
While all along fearing messing up with you.
It took me a while.
And it took my life falling apart, but I lost you.
I trusted the wrong friends
And I ended up on the falling end of the deal
I wandered aimlessly for forever it seems
I was lost and alone.
Not because people left me out.
But because I became invisible.
I disappeared into a life I became okay with having
Until I met him.
Another new 'You.'
The only one that might actually see this.
You, I fell in love with.
And I made a mistake.
I hurt you, in trying not to get hurt myself
And failed miserably on both accounts.
I'm sorry for that.
I can't say I didn't mean to because I made those choices even though I felt they were wrong in the moment.
And you moved on.
And I now mean nothing to you but an old memory.
Or maybe a small sad smile every time I see you.
I am just a regret to you. For you choosing me in the first place when you could've had her all along.
I hope you are happy.
And I hope I find a new You.
This time one that stays.