by K.S. Wilson
I was never told that if I were to join a fraternity, it meant I was destined for a life of one-night stands and unbearable headaches.
Also, I wasn't told that I wouldn't be able to find love until I graduated. I had this epiphany suddenly one morning when I woke up hungover with a gorgeous girl in my bed.
After trying to think over the pounding drums in my head, I finally remembered her name was Sarah.
She had blonde hair and grey eyes, she was the captain of the swim team on campus, and she had a great sense of humor. The only problem with Sarah was her aspirations in life.
Sarah is a marine biology major, and she loves learning and discussing aquatic life. However, Sarah doesn't just want to work with fish. Sarah wants to be a fish--a starfish, to be exact.
Last night, we had been drinking on the front steps of the fraternity.
Talking anything and everything and wasting time until the conversation got only as intense as two sloshed college students could make it.
Sarah began to tell a story from her childhood. Sarah always felt, she wasn't born in the right species and had always enjoyed laying on the ground, spread out in the shape of a star.
She went into a vivid story of then she was a kid. Whenever it snowed, she would become ecstatic, get dressed, and run into the winter wonderland outside.
Instead of making snow angels, Sarah would create a snow star, which was her laying in the snow in the shape of a star for hours.
Eventually, Sarah's mother would have to go outside to get her off the ground because she would be fast asleep, buried in the snow.
However, Sarah was banned from creating snow stars when they lost her in a blizzard. Her parents thought she had been kidnapped, so they called the authorities to begin a search party.
However, after a few hours had passed, Sarah came into the house asking what was for dinner.
The blizzard had been so intense her parents couldn't see her, and she was only two feet from the front door.
After hearing this story, I had every intention of telling her that she couldn't become a starfish. Still, we had already started kissing, and I couldn't bring myself to ruin the mood.
I will give Sarah the benefit of the doubt that she is fully committed to being a starfish not only in everyday life but also in bed.
The next morning, I realized there was no way I was going to pursue anything further with Sarah, and I needed to get this girl out of my room as soon as possible.
In desperation, I took my fingers and shoved them down my throat to force myself to puke into the trash can I kept near the bed.
After I was finished, I turned to see her startled awake with a mixture of sleep and confusion across her face.
I explained to her that I was extremely allergic to fish and that we should never see each other again because of my fatal condition.
Sarah did not take this news very well; she crawled to the middle of the bed and began to weep while begging me to find a way to cure my allergies.
Today was Sunday, and I had an important exam on Monday that I still needed to study for, so I had no time to deal with Patrick, the starfish.
Being one of the head brothers of the fraternity, I was able to instruct pledges to do my bidding. I went downstairs and saw four pledges who were already in the house eating breakfast.
I asked them when they were finished, to take my bed and carry it to Sarah's dorm, then wait there until she got off the bed and went inside.
Once she was safe in her dorm, I kindly asked if they could wash the sheets because sleeping on her tears would keep me up at night.
I must give them credit; I would have declined and opted for another brotherhood although they did as they were told and carried her off.
Theta Gamma Kai found some loyal pledges at this past rush. As they carried Sarah out, I grabbed my backpack to find a place to study.
On my way out, standing at the door was the House Director. Seeing the pledges carrying a crying girl on a bed out to some unknown destination, he turned to me.
He questioned, "Hey Ron, where are they taking that girl?" I explained the situation to him with great detail. "A starfish, you say? You can't be serious," he asked, trying not to laugh.
"Yeah, apparently she believes she was born to be a starfish. The good person in me wanted to explain to her that it is impossible. But then we did the no-pants dance." I remarked.
"Oh, I get it--you turned her from a starfish into a seahorse. Well-played, brother!" Excited, he went for a high five.
Declining his high five, I explained how bad it was, and that that was the reason the pledges carried her out.
"Well, that blows. Anyway, make sure the pledges bring the bed back by midnight.
We have to make sure the house is spotless before the pregame games can begin for tonight's formal, so I want the house to be clean before it starts.
" I assured him they could handle it and headed out.