What if the most heartbreaking secret is the right one to keep?
ATTENTION!!! ( to be read while listening to the song Make it holy by The Staves for full effect)
Im dying. I know i am. But hes not here.
I sent him away so he could prepare to live on. I know he'll hate me.
I want more time i NEED more time. And i dont have it and i hate it. I hate this.
I let him love me. Despite the knowledge of knowing i would hurt him. God i hate myself.
How do you live with yourself? I feel people wanna ask me sometimes but i know better....i know the truth.
I wont be alive much longer.
Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck life. Fuck. My. Life.
I want to scream, i wanna shout, i wanna cry(which i do daily) but it wont make a difference.
Its not going to change what is. And what is ,is death is inevitably inevitable. And how shitty that really is? Hmm you have no idea.
He's here. I see him. He sees me. Oh god no please he cant see me like this it'll break him. He needs it though. Closure. And i will give him that. I owe it to him. Im selfish but not anymore.
"Lacey? Oh my god Lacey. Please please please. I cant lose you. Not now. No." He says through choked back tears. "Shhhhh no baby no. No tears." I say ignoring the ones falling down my face.
"Im sorry. Im so sorry. But you have to let me go. You have to live on and be happy..." "Not without you. No!!!" He screams ,pleading. "Please Mason. You have to. You will. You'll go to college..
Fall in love. Marry someone you love deeply. Have babies lots and lots of cute babies. And you'll be happy. For me. You'll do what i couldn't. You'll live."
And it'll be a beautiful long, happy, life at that." I manage to squeak out. And i break. I sob. He leans in and kisses me. Its long and lingering. Full of love. I love him.
"I love you. I love you Mason Logan Ramps" i say in between kisses and he cries harder pressing his forehead to mine. "I love you too Lacey. So much. So much." He kisses me again.
I feel oblivion tugging me. Telling me its time. But not yet. "Can you play it Mason. One last time.?" I ask. "Yes" he laughs heartfelt and warming.
And he does. I let our song wash over my body. And i feel the warmth in his voice as he sings quietly along to it. I smile because thats all i can manage. Its time.
"I can make you want me, make you need me, make you mine, i can make it holy, make it special,make it right, i can make you want me ,make you need me all the time, i can make it holy make it...
........ Fine." Song ends. "And fine is exactly what you made my life Lacey. I love you." Mason says. I hear the machines beeping. Doctors rush into the room. I feel him squeeze my hand but he
doesn't let go. He holds on. And then everything goes dark.......
Hi everyone i hope you enjoyed this. Just a little something i thought of. The song is make it holy by the staves meant to be listened to through out the story.
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