Amanda Had
Amanda Had comedy stories
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joekelly
joekelly Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago

Amanda Had

Amanda had green eyes that looked like cartoon Kryptonite, and that weakened me just the same.

She never wore make up, but had long full eye lashes that opened and closed like old fashion camera lenses freezing every happy moment and leaving them hung up in the darkroom of her mind to be processed and developed later under dark mysterious shadows.

Amanda had a dad and a mom who loved her very much and didn’t blame her for their divorce, though she was sure it was her fault anyway because she was an only child and it’s not like it was the dogs fault.

Amanda had perfectly formed pink little ears that she never pierced, but always talked about wanting to get pierced as a way of getting people to look at her perfectly formed pink little ears in the hope that said people would compliment them rather than her eyes because eye compliments were just so pedestrian.

Amanda had one time kissed a girl at summer camp in 2008 but she didn’t like it, it was just OK, and Katy Perry lied and Amanda wasn’t a fan after that.

Amanda had a carefully constructed habit of sliding her thumb across her lower lip when she was thinking, trying to imitate Humphrey Bogart, but I knew she was only imitating Jean Belmondo imitating Humphrey Bogart, and had only started doing the damn thing after we had watched Breathless together at the drive-in theater that used to play pornos before it became a family place.

Amanda had a diary full of dirty thoughts and painful ways to die. It also contained approximately two hundred and forty seven different cursive renderings of her own name, though she had once said if she was famous she would never give autographs because they were tacky.

Amanda had thin ankles and thick thighs and would touch her toes every morning, first thing, while she exhaled sleep and inhaled wake up.

Amanda had a way with words and would invent new slang to express things she didn’t think the current dictionary could do a very good job at. She said lots of different ideas have to share the same word and that this was the source of most of the worlds miscommunications and troubles. Some example words were: “fair” and ”truth” and “love.”

Amanda had my heart, but she didn’t know what to do with it so she dropped it off the highway overpass that leads out of our town and looked away while it got run over by a train of 18 wheelers all on their way to a big truckers convention up state.

Amanda had a dog named Ruggy that chewed up my shoes the last time I went to Amanda’s house and now my little toe pokes out if I don’t wear socks and it reminds me of her. They say that we’ll soon evolve to lose our little toe and I personally wish the process would hurry up.

Amanda had ups and downs (and sideways too) but for the most part was the most 100% perfect girl I’d ever met.

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