January 12th, 2020
I've been going through our old stuff, our old photos, love letters, and reminders of shenanigans that hold great value just to us.
I've been trying to remember the better times in our lives before he was infected with this deadly virus. COVID-19, they call it. Every time he gets a cold or a cough, I freak.
I wonder how much longer he has left.
How many mornings are there left, before I fix him his breakfast or watch him dance as he cleans the house to that annoying hip hop music I hate so much?
How many more times will I be able to hold him in my arms until he falls asleep during a movie?
Time used to be something we took for granted and now it seems like we are trapped in an hourglass. Grain by grain I lose him a little.
February 1st, 2020
Looking for a cure. I know they say there isn't one yet, but I just have to try. I have advised him multiple times to go to the hospital and be treated for this, but he refuses.
He says he wants to die at home before being in a place where I am not allowed in and then burying him in some unmarked hole in the ground with other bodies.
I protect myself from him with masks, gloves, sterilizers, and other precautions I have been taking.
His final wish is to have my face be the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes forever and I will grant him just that. Somebody somewhere must know something the rest of the world don't.
I joined a site today, sponsored by a company called Parasol Pharmaceuticals and filled out an application to take part in their many studies.
It seems there is a drug they have been researching for the last couple of months and they are finally ready to test it on humans' immune systems.
April 2nd, 2020
After a month of evaluation, they are interested in meeting Bobby and allowing him to be a part of their efforts in finding a vaccine for this virus.
I am so thrilled! I told Bobby, but he's not too excited. I guess he's afraid of being disappointed and has become quite skeptical. But I have hope. I have enough hope for the two of us.
Doctors are very reassuring. He tries to hide it, but I can see a glimmer of hope in his eyes. I can almost see a brighter future for the both of us.
They are even allowing us to go back home after this research takes place!
April 20th, 2020
The new drugs seemed to have helped Bobby tremendously for a while, but today he got sick. At first, I thought these were flu symptoms, but I'm starting to believe it could be side effects.
He started to feel feverish and nauseated. He ran to the bedroom in the middle of our romantic dinner and started to throw up. He called me, screaming, into the bathroom.
When I looked at the toilet, I saw blood with chunks of food inside the ceramic bowl. I was so freaked out I called 911. I also called his doctor at Parasol Pharmaceuticals right after.
He advised us to cancel the 911 emergency call. He already had a vehicle rushing to our home as we spoke.
It felt wrong to be so secretive, but he assured me that it's part of the protocol and that a regular doctor wouldn't be able to pinpoint exactly how to help him.
His exact words were, "If you want your partner to live, you must allow us to see him and no one else". I'm starting to feel uneasy about these people, but alas... I did as I was told.
They picked him up right away and I sent the paramedics from the local hospital away before the 11 pm curfew began. They did not allow me to come along! They sure are falling from my grace.
They reassured me it was not a socio-political issue, because we were gay, and not really considered a 'normal' couple with visitation rights. They left me with a phone number to contact them.
The whole thing happened so fast I'm still in shock. I'm so worried about my baby. It is 5am now... There's no way I'll be able to sleep until I hear from Bobby again. I feel so helpless.
I better start cleaning the dining table. Dinner's already officially leftovers. It's just me and Sam, by my side as he usually is when he senses I'm sad.
April 26th, 2020
Bobby came back home. I picked him up myself. I was so excited! He seemed better than when he left the house last night.
I don't want him to get depressed, so I forbid him to watch the news on TV or talk to anyone on the phone about this virus which seems to be causing havoc all over the world!
The deaths in Europe surpass the 7,000 mark and we are dropping like flies here in American soil!
April 30th, 2020
Bobby's situation has worsened. He is very pale and feverish. He also has a severe dry cough and gastrointestinal complications.
The research doctors want to put him under observation for a while. No more tests! I will administer the medication we have here at home.
Heat seems to be bad for this virus so I'll make sure he drinks his tea every day. He talks to me about making a will for us in case something happens.
I was angry, I told him this is a forbidden subject for the two of us. In a way, I feel if I don't discuss it then it'll never happen.
May 13th, 2020
Bobby's dead! BOBBY IS DEAD and I have never felt so lonely in my life...
May 13th, 2020
Bobby's alive again! Alive! He simply woke up after a 30-minute scare he gave me! I told the people at Parasol Pharmaceuticals that maybe they got something powerful here.
A drug that brings people back from the dead!
They want me to bring Bobby in for more tests. No more tests!
May 15th, 2020
Sirens are blaring... wailing in the distance and I can hear those choppers above circulating the neighborhood. I know they are looking for me again... for us.
Bobby is in the other room with Sam. He is sick, the poor thing; shivering like a single leaf in a tree on a windy day. Because we have been persecuted, I had to move us to an apartment nearby.
I didn't tell anyone for fear of being found. The doctors at Parasol said something about a mutation caused by brain cells reanimating the body after death. It's like factory recall.
They think something's wrong with Bobby, but Bobby seems fine to me with the exception of his memory loss and the pale-cold skin of his. I don't know who to talk to about this.
I don't know who I can trust or who will turn against us.
May 21st 2020
Bobby doesn't eat. He's starting to look bad and smell even worse! I think he has developed a terrible skin condition. It's almost as if his flesh was rotting.
Something's definitely wrong with Bobby. I don't know what's more troublesome, his skin or the fact that he seems to have no pulse anymore.
May 30th, 2020
I came home early to surprise Bobby. I called Bobby's name, but I didn't hear from him either. As I walked around I heard something coming from the kitchen...
cracking noises and slurping sounds. I imagined Bobby was having dinner early... and he was... As I went inside, I saw a trail of blood, torn pieces of flesh and fur all over the kitchen floor.
Oh my God! There sat Bobby in one corner holding whatever else remained of our beloved dog Sam as he was vigorously eating his insides. -"Bobby! What the fuck have you done!?" I screamed.
He snarled at me! I felt so sick I ran out of the house to get some fresh air. I was panting in disbelief, trying to keep it all together and holding down the vomit that eminently coming out.
As I walked into the living room I felt a strong shove from behind that sent me flying, right on top of the coffee table. Bobby had pushed me and was now shuffling towards me.
He pinned me down to the floor and began to choke me as he reached for my face with his teeth! He was trying to bite me! With my one free hand, I tried to push his face away from mine.
All he did was continue to bite and bite as his teeth clashed together angrily with every attempt he made to reach my flesh like a ferocious shark who is too large in size to fit into
his prey's cave. I managed to grab the candlestick that had fallen from the coffee table and hit him several times on his head until he collapsed over me.
I am beyond shocked! What am I supposed to do now... now that I've killed him... again?
June 2nd, 2020
Bobby did not die. He can never die!
June 14th, 2020
Bobby bit my arm! It all happened so fast. The mailman saw the ladder I kept outside and climbed up to find Bobby trapped in his bedroom.
He must've heard him scream and complain and went inside the house to investigate. I came home and found Bobby's door wide open! That idiot must've thought he was doing Bobby a favor.
I walked inside the room and saw Bobby... eating again...
feeding on this man! He had cracked his head open and was using his hand to scoop out the brain mass out of the skull as the mailman's body still shook uncontrollably like a fish out of water.
Bobby stopped for a moment to look at me. He smiled at me! His teeth were covered in red blood which was oozing down his chin. He even managed to chuckle a little.
It was devilish and macabre! I closed the door slowly as his eyes and that creepy smile were still filling my head.
That's when Bobby grabbed me and clamped on my arm with his teeth as I attempted to cover my face. I kicked him so hard he hit his head on the ground and lost consciousness.
I grabbed his body by the legs and dragged him into the master bedroom. I locked the door behind me to take care of my wounds.
He had taken a huge chunk of flesh right out of my arm! I am speechless.
June 25th, 2020
I look so very different. I am pale, constantly cold and my eyes are dilated. I coughed up blood just yesterday and can't do anything to ease this horrible pain in my stomach.
These contractions feel as if someone was punching my gut every five minutes! I feel like shit. I have been taking medications for every symptom I have, but it's useless.
God damn it, Bobby! What the fuck did you do to me?!
July 3rd, 2020
I slept... I slept a lot.
I am awake again.
Family is coming to visit tomorrow night.
Tomorrow makes me happy.
July 4th, 2020
i eaT tONIght sing toNigHt
i hEAr PEOPLE at tHe DooR!!
AND i am SO HuNgrY...