I cannot change how my mental health has been constantly going downhill
I have had my fill of so many things
Everyone wanting participation rings for everthing they don't work for
Acceptance limited everywhere
Everyone is supposed to have the person that makes them a special pair- a couple if you will- to make them whole
Why do I have to fulfill this role of being with a person who identifies as and was born male?
Nightmares about school shootings, seeing people I love die and worse things- all been happening for so long I'm nearly immune to it
For a short bit of my life- 2-4 months- I even dreamt of torturing others
When I mutter that I'm not a good person, I beseech of you: believe me.
Have I always had some form of dysphoria?
Will I ever feel euphoria or genuine happiness again?
People call me beautiful but I feel as though they are entranced with the mystery of my sadness, like a wren on a winter floor
Or maybe I'm wrong
Probably have been all along
Am like a ping pong ball, never in the same place each hour, emotionally
This doesn't mean that my mental health is detiorating