The first time I ever laid eyes on Mr. Macari I knew, I just knew. I don’t know exactly what I knew, but there was an instant gravitational pull toward him, my knees felt weak, my heart was racing tremendously, and my eyes..mesmerized.
I glanced all around the classroom, excited that there were empty seats in the first row. I quickly jolted to the front so I could enjoy my view. He hasn’t even introduced himself, yet oddly enough, I felt like I knew him.
Throughout the year, all the students giggled and admired his youthful glow and his teaching style that always made everyone have fun while learning. Mr. Macari appeared to be a young teacher, but he had to have at least been a decade older than all of the students. He had a sharp chiseled face structure, with broad shoulders and eyes that made any student drool over their desks.
He always made eye contact with his students and seemed to always go the extra mile to help a student fully understand his lessons. He was about 6 feet and always wore a spiffy outfit that was very professional.
I always appreciated his opinion and feedback so I genuinely started to fall for his intelligence and intellect rather quickly. He had beauty and brains and as I drowned in his witty replies, I realized I had gained feelings for my teacher. I was a petite 17 year old girl, head over heels for a 28 year old man.
Sometimes the attraction was so intense I’d find myself seductively trying to flirt with him from across the room. I’d stare into his soul while playing with my pen or showing a bit of skin from underneath the desk.
Everyday before class began, I’d run to the girls bathroom pampering myself to look presentable and beautiful for him. I was going to make sure to get his attention, I was determined to get his approval.. I still don’t know why I wanted it so badly, but I did.
Looking back, I guess I could say it was my lucky day. I sat front row, as per usual, and observed his every move, as I was fascinated with this man. I raised my hand a lot that day, asking questions I was genuinely curious about. I know it made him happy that I cared, and that I had an interest in what he was teaching.
I caught him stare at me once or twice but it wasn’t long or passionate enough to have been anything special. I hated knowing he saw me the way he saw every other person in that room, as a student, and only a student.
After the bell rang, to my surprise he stood up from his chair and told me to stay after for a bit. Completely shocked, I immediately nodded with no words.. I mean I wanted to shout from the top of my lungs but I just froze and the words couldn’t come out.
He was so tall I had to look up into his eyes and there he was, looking down right at me, with his charismatic half smile and irresistible dark eyes. I politely asked, “Hi, you wanted me to stay after the bell?”
He slowly nodded, gulped, and casted his eyes to the side for a quick second before he made the most intense, romantic, and deep eye contact he has ever made with me thus far. He focused his entire attention on me and thanked me for always participating in his class and being one of the few students who actually were on time everyday.
He took a step closer to me, smiled so heavenly and I felt my entire body sizzling up from being so close to him. “Oh of course Mr. Macari! I love this class, thank you for noticing that about me.” I took a step back in nervousness, my rosy cheeks were blushing as I looked down for a minute straight.
I couldn’t stop smiling and was so shy that looking at him at this point would have been deadly. He continued to look right at my eyes, and the next thing he said will stick with me till the end of time. “Yeah, in fact I notice a lot of things about you actually..” Mr. Macari's hands on his chin, as if he was thinking while slowly staring at me up and down simultaneously.
After that day, my admiration and respect for him increased but I never got the same attention from him again. I think that only made me want him more, his mysterious and distant ways only hooked me. On the last day of high school, I visited his classroom and happily asked if he could sign my yearbook.
Every time I was in this very classroom, I always wanted to slam myself on his desk and just have one on one time. I didn’t even crave anything sexual, I just wanted to unravel his knowledgeable mind and get to know his core. I wanted to be deep with Mr. Macari, and I felt like he wanted to as well.
As crazy as it sounds, the chemistry I shared with him was something that was never revealed, spoken about between us, or even acted upon.. But it was there, lingering, sneakily passing by..
And as he said yes to the request, he brought out a chair and positioned it toward him. It took me a second to realize he wanted me to sit by his side. This little gesture made my whole day feel all giddy and sappy. It was the little things he did that always caught my eye.
He got up for a second, walked over to the door, slammed it shut, and then walked over back toward me and the yearbook.
“Dear K, It was an absolute pleasure having you in my class. You have a fiery passion for writing, don't lose that spark in you. Overall, you were my star student. I hope you remember that. I’ll definitely be remembering you, lets keep in touch. Sincerely, Mr. M