How dare you ask if I was drunk
That does not matter
Me being drunk doesn't make it okay he raped me.
Me being sober doesn't make it okay he raped me.
Drunk or sober he is a rapist.
He took advantage of me.
Saw the crack in my soul and forced himself inside.
Entered a home that is not his.
The door was locked and the alarm was going off
but he still went in.
Broke everything he could while he was there.
My heart so broken that I gave up the one man that loved me.
So broken that I can't sleep without my back to the wall.
So broken I can't touch myself without feeling his hands.
His hands on my wrists.
His hips on my thighs.
His fingers inside me.
I get nauceous at the thought of sex knowing he ruined it for me.
Ruined my purity.
My legs spread so far apart that my heart, soul, and brain dripped out.
The only thing inside me was him.
As he pulled out I felt my body empty.
This empty shell where I used to be.
I find myself outside my abused body looking out the windows.
The window I looked out of when he wouldn't stop.
The window I looked through at my 8 year old self playing football with the boys.
So strong and bold.
While she looked in ashamed that I didn't stop him.
Embarrassed at the sight of her 19 year old self.
I let him do it to me.....it's my fault.
BUT I told him I was tired.
I told him I didn't want to.
I told him I just wanted to sleep.
Consent is not silence.
Consent is not because we had sex before.
Consent is not because we are in a relationship.
Consent is not crying.
Consent is a concious, yes.
Do not assume she knew what was going on.
She will forever live with the guilt and does not need to deal with that inflicted by people who were not there.
Who didn't feel it.
You'll never know, until it happens to you.
And if it does, it's too late.
And I'm sorry for you my friend.