The Memoirs of Robin Hood: #ladsnightout
The Memoirs of Robin Hood: #ladsnightout humor stories

holygryphons Twttr:
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago
Rare entries from the fabled Robin Hood's dia- I mean, journal. It's a journal, people. DISCLAIMER: certain words have been censored for obvious reasons. Courtesy of the University of Cambridge. Cheers, lads. < br/>< br/>PS: You may notice some references to the original Disney movie, which is one of my favourites :3 WILL UPDATED EVERY SO OFTEN until I run out of ideas :p

The Memoirs of Robin Hood: #ladsnightout


29th May, 1370

Me and the lads had a blast tormenting Prince John! The bloody twit thinks he's King, lol. Everyone knows that Richard the Lionheart has more balls than that mummy's boy!


Anyways, saw Marian when we snuck into Jonno's castle to TP his bed chambers...managed to fit in a snog before the guards (eventually) caught up to us. Pure banter. Bloody love my life.

11th June, 1370

Got sh**faced before church LOL. Friar Tuck threw us out. To be fair, Little John went a bit far drinking all that communion wine...

...Oh, well. We're robbing old Jonno's wine cellar tomorrow; we'll bring Friar Tuck some wine to say sorry. THEN WE'LL TAKE HIM OUT FOR A PINT ON US AAAYYYY ;) #ladsnightout

14th June, 1370

I swear to God, the weather in this country is so f***ing bipolar. Me and the lads had plans to rob passing sugar-daddy carriages in Sherwood this morning, and the sun was splitting the rocks!

But by the afternoon it was pissing it down. Totally messed up our robbing sesh ffs because the mud made it hard to get away! Dave almost got nicked by the rich toff's bouncers...

Never again am I going out without consulting Hilda the Hag (that's the name of our local witch) about the weather. FFS, I'm going to get the first boat out of this miserable island to Spain...

Mind you, I'm a bit worried about Little John... he's spending a lot of time on the loo. Maybe they're dating LOL! Nah, probably had too much pheasant at dinner the other night. Bloody pig.

Anyway, I hope he's better soon. The whole camp f***ing stinks because of him.

21st June, 1370

Well, ain't this bollocks. Turns out we have a bout of cholera in our camp. Dave threw up in his breakfast this morning; I almost threw up myself!

I had to get out of there before someone chundered all over my new tunic (bought it with the cash we nicked from Jonno's treasury LOL). So, I sodded off and went to see bae...

Maaaate, Marian looked well fit in that new corset of hers! Too bad it had to come off though, if ya know what I mean!! Oi oiii Anyways, I'm bunking with Friar Tuck 'til the cholera clears up.

25th June, 1370

FINALLY. The cholera has ENDED. The lads still felt a bit grim so we spent the night planning our next shenanigans. Can't wait for the banter to start again! Not much else to report, really.

26th June, 1370

THE LADS ARE BACK IN BUSINESS. LOL Little John and I struck gold when we were chilling in a tree and saw Prince Jonno's p***y-ass carriage roll by right below our spot!

It was pure bants, fam. Little John and I dressed up as fortune tellers and we tricked him to letting him into his carriage. I nicked the idiot's clothes and gold, LOL. Brainless, I tell you.

But that wasn't even the best part, lol. Little John has the amazing idea to take the hubs, so when they tried to chase us, the carriage wheels fell off! Pure genius. Bloody love that man!

Old Jonno was tossed from his seat and into the mud in his underwear XD He threw a right old strop and I swear I saw him sucking his thumb... Anyway, we're literally minted for the next year!

And that's even when we split the share with the Ainsley family. Bloody Sheriff had nicked the farthing that they gave their eldest son for his seventh birthday. Dirty b*stard.

The other day, he swindled a blind old man by pretending to give him money. Dipped his filthy hand into his can and nicked all of his money, he did!

Sauntered off, proper pleased with himself, and being non-the-wiser the old man thanked him for his kindness! Kindness, my arse.

Anyways, to get back at him, Little John, my G Will Scarlet and I hid a dead fish in his carriage!! I hope it stinks like his attitude towards the poor.

26th June, 1370: Just a quick side note:

Little John and I found out where the blind old man lived and dropped off a bit money we'd stole from Jonno's carriage earlier. Hopefully that'll cover his taxes and a little extra for food!

4th July, 1370

Just found the new reward posters for my capture, LOL! Bit funny, considering my hair isn't THAT long, and I don't wear a ridiculous hat... There's a reason why I'm called Robin HOOD fellas...

...Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, that Sheriff LMFAO!!! But still, they raised my bounty to 1,500 gold pieces now! I'm pretty flattered, actually; they must be desperate! HAHA! #banter

2nd January, 1371

This is f****ing ridiculous. Jonno tricked me! I mean, he ACTUALLY tricked me! I don't know whether to be humiliated or impressed! But, he didn't catch me! Ooh, no. Nobody can capture Robin Hood!

See, Friar Tuck came by the camp and told me and Little John that there was going to be an archery tournament. Under any other circumstances, I would have said no.

But get this; Maid Marian was going to be there! And the winner was going to get a kiss from her! I mean, HOW can I pass up the chance to get a kiss from my woman? Little John was wary, though.

But I missed Marian like mad. I hadn't seen her in months! So I went in disguise and won (obviously). Had the Sheriff crying like a baby lol. But it turns out that the whole thing was a trap!

Luckily, Little John had my back, held Jonno hostage and made him call off the ambush before I could lose my head...literally.

To cut a long story short, me, the lads and Marian escaped in Sherwood, and I managed to spend a bit of time with my girl. She felt awful about the attack and everything, but Marian was worth it.

She always is.

Love conquers all, folks.

6th January, 1371

Bloody freezing today. The lake just by our camp froze over, so the lads and I got a few animal bones and whittled them into skates! The exercise warmed us up a bit, plus we were bored.

The snow was pretty bad, so we hadn't seen any coaches come by in a while. But we had a blast, getting some of our mates from Nottingham to join us and then have a bonfire in the evening.

It was a good chance to give them what we had left of our stash. We'd robbed the Earl of Corby's carriage back in December, so we managed to grab a fair amount. Taxes are hard this year.

Jonno has raised them again. I swear, he's bleeding them all dry. They literally have nothing left to give him! This man is pure evil, I tell you. And they wonder why I risk my life to help.

Anyways, Little John fell on his arse and the ice cracked! It was hilarious, you really had to be there. He didn't fall through, but there was an imprint of his butt where the ice broke!

Pure banter... XD

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