They say that the first time you fall in love is like magic.
Your whole world is turned upside down because of this person. Just thinking about them makes you wild with happiness, and you can't seem to live without them. That scared me.
So I avoided the dreaded 'L' word like the plague.
I met girls, I bedded them, and then I broke their hearts. I didn't bother sticking around; I left them to pick up the pieces. I left them broken.
I made them fall head-over-heels in love with me.
It was so easy to make them believe that I felt the same, to say 'I love you, too' without actually meaning it.
Valentine's Day only meant one thing to me:
Lonely, desperate girls looking for someone to love.
So I took advantage.
I seduced them with flowers, expensive chocolates and cards filled with love messages.
And it worked.
When I got what I wanted, I disposed of them like tissues. I was a bastard.
Which is why I don't understand...
What the bloody hell did I do to deserve Tessa?
What the hell does she see in me?
I feel like she truly understands me. There's something about her that I can trust to confide in, and I'm terrified of losing her.
She's better off without me.
The last thing she needs is me hurting her.
She deserves better.
Someone who can look after her...
..but the thought of her being with another guy makes me feel sick.
What am I supposed to do?
The tables have turned. I'm the one falling head-over-heels in love. And I'm powerless to stop it.
I could suppress it before; stop myself getting too attached because that wasn't who I was. I was my own man, a fierce bachelor.
But now my happiness is dependent on her. I can't go five minutes without obsessing over what she's doing, where she is, who she's talking to...
And it scares me.
Because it might be me who gets their heart broken this time. Either she'll do it, or I'll bring it upon myself.
Is she thinking about me right now?
Does she even think about me at all? I wouldn't be at all surprised if her feelings aren't mutual.
Does she even know what I've done? What I am?
What I could do to her?
Words can't begin to describe how much I love you.
I just can't find the words to say them.