you're back once more.
cigarette in hand.
ready to watch me fall apart.
it's appealing to you.
don't try to deny it.
the silent tears. shaking hands. blood-stained clothes.
being the hero once more.
you think it's romantic.
nothing about my pain is poetic.
or beautiful in an unspeakable melancholic way.
it's made of razor blades and overdoses.
lethargy and anxiety.
suffocating while breathing.
so don't tell me it's pretty.
don't tell me it's cute.
when you meet me for coffee at three.
after you ignored my suicidal tendencies.
you're back, you'll say, from the break you needed.
i'll smile and nod and burn my tongue.
you don't notice as you ramble on.