I hate summer
I hate summer suffer stories

heliakalon "Fight it,take the pain,ignite it"
Autoplay OFF   •   4 years ago

I hate summer

by mitchel

I'm sitting on the ground

It's 2 am in the morning.

Everything is silent and everyone is asleep right now.

Only I am awake.

The air is steamy, kind of muggy. It's so hot in here, still. I'm barely breathing.

But not because of the vaporous air..

My soul is begging for air, begging for release. I just can't take it anymore.

I'm sitting on the ground

Surrounded by absolute darkness. The mirror in front of me, it shows nothing beautiful anymore for a long time now.

I feel so empty

Not empty of words, not empty of feelings or thoughts. But empty of happiness, satisfaction and confidence.

My mind is full of thoughts and feelings

But they're simply stamped of sadness and anger. Anger about myself.

Why can't I be thin, beautiful or pretty?

These questions are running through my mind up and down, round and round, night and day.

I hate summer

Because that's the time everybody can see more parts of your body, of your shape, of your proportion.

And then they start to judge.

they start to talk about you, to think about you. Wether unconscious or on purpose they'll show you what they think about you.

And it hurts.

it hurts so bad..every time I have to go outside I'm struggling..with myself, my body, my weight, simply with everything.

And the worst thing is

that I know that nothing, no words and no actions, will ever change a thing about how I feel.

Not until

I'll see myself as pretty or beautiful, and I don't think this is ever going to happen cause I am what I am and no matter how hard I wish for it..I'll always stay the same..

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